Stephen Colbert delivered a long rundown of Inauguration Day Friday on the Late Show. “So that’s it. Donald Trump is president. He knows the launch codes, and he hasn’t tweeted them yet, so far so good,” the host said.
“If you’re waking up from a coma… Donald Trump has been sworn in as president of the United States,” Colbert said to open as the audience booed. “I know, I know. Listen, we’re just as confused as you are, and we’ve been awake this whole time.”
The host joined with the social media masses mocking Trump’s overlong red tie that he wore on Inauguration Day, which Colbert compared to “the length of an aircraft carrier.” “It’s very handy. You can use it to hide an erection. Which I will not have for four years now,” Colbert said.
As for the cloudy weather that blanketed Washington, D.C. Friday, “If it seemed a little dark in the capital, it’s either because it was overcast, or because Michelle Obama was throwing so much shade,” Colbert joked, referencing the meme where the former First Lady appears to be sneering as Inauguration Day unfolded.
Colbert criticized Trump’s gloomy inauguration address, where the new president spoke about decaying infrastructure, gangs, drugs, poverty and “American carnage.” “We get it! The country is a turd storm. You said all that during the campaign! You can stop now,” Colbert said.” “He knows he won, right? Putin told him. Just give it up.”
Colbert also teased Trump over the sparse crowd that attended Inauguration Day, Kellyanne Conway’s unusual outfit and all the strange new sentences that come with a Trump presidency.
“The president of the United States was in Home Alone 2. I always thought I’d be saying that on the first day of President Pesci’s administration,” Colbert said.