Sitting in his cubicle with “HELP ME!” typed out in a document on his computer, Colbert is nearly unrecognizable with his eye patch and mustache disguise. After speaking loudly in German to throw off anyone listening in, he pulls out his lunch. “I’m still dieting,” he says before pulling out a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag. “Only liquids.”
It seems that the mess with the bag of money he found on the train before Monday’s lunch has gotten even worse, and he’s dragging his lunch mate down with him. “I am so royally screwed, and so are you, buddy,” he says menacingly. “You gotta help me! They got Harmonica Lou! They took his lips. He’ll never play the harmonica again!”
Now, Colbert has a new plan. He requests that $10,000 be left in a JFK airport locker so he can purchase two first-class tickets to Iceland. Before the plan can happen, he just needs his friend to leave behind his chips.
When not attempting to flee the country, Colbert is also gearing up for his September debut as host of The Late Show. Pavement’s Bob Nastanovich recently hinted at the possibility of Pavement reuniting on the show. “We’ve been invited to play on the new Colbert show in September,” Nastanovich told the Pants OFF! podcast. “Hopefully, it’ll come off. Right now it seems kind of 50/50.” However, a rep for Pavement told Stereogum that “there are no current plans for Pavement to reunite.”