At this point, “Deflategate” is the gift that keeps on giving – unless you’re NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, that is. What began as an excuse to make jokes about Tom Brady’s balls has since become an unstoppable source of schadenfreude and stupidity, responsible for comedic courtroom sketches (that became write-in candidates), controversy in the Miss America pageant and country club drama – in addition to all the conspiracy theories and legal constipation this great nation can handle.
Now, with Brady being a free man and all, it’s time for South Park to get in on the action.
Tonight, they’ll kick off their 19th season with an episode titled “Stunning and Brave,” in which Cartman is sentenced to four days of detention by South Park Elementary’s new principal, who’s looking to make his crew accountable for their history of racism and unconscious bias. Cartman, having none of it, takes a play out of Brady’s book and demands it be overturned before taking a shot at his supermodel wife, Gisele Bundchen.
“You know what guys? I’m gonna Tom Brady this thing,” Cartman shouts in the school’s hallway. “I’m gonna say ‘You’re not giving me four days of detention. You’re only giving me one. No, no! To hell with that, you’re giving me no days suspension!’ And then I’m gonna go home and fuck my hot wife, who’s not even that hot — kinda looks like a dude.”
Hey, it could be a lot worse. At least Brady isn’t pumped full of laxatives and shitting himself this time.