Jon Stewart opened his penultimate Daily Show with a moment of reflection, waxing nostalgic on the multitudes of headlines he’s garnered over the years proclaiming his glorious eviscerations of issues, pundits and politicians.
“We here at the show left no target un-disembowled,” Stewart cracked. “In fact, if you’re still walking around with a belly full of viscera, know this — we didn’t forget you.”
In celebration of all the things he’s crushed, demolished and annihilated throughout his tenure, Stewart turned his gaze back towards the path of pulverized enemies in his wake, in a new segment, “Destroyer of Worlds.”
First up, the Islamic State, which Stewart and his crew blasted with a “devastating bombardment of laser-guided satire.” While Stewart was glad to accept ISIS’ surrender after replaying some of his greatest hits against the terrorist outfit, he was suddenly confronted with the fact that the group remains as strong as it was a year ago.
“I hit them with a really good fucking pun,” Stewart said. “I know the problem: ISIS has spotty regional access to basic cable. They probably don’t even know about — you guys should really check out the show online, you’ll be eviscerated.”
From race relations to Wall Street to even his greatest enemy, Fox News, Stewart was forced to reconcile the fact that his biggest targets continued to reign in spite of his ruthless, righteous barbing. “The world is demonstrably worse than when I started!” Stewart exclaimed. “Have I caused this?”
Completing the existential spiral brought on by his own futility, Stewart picked up a skull and mulled: “Have my efforts all been for naught? As I shuffle off this basic cable coil, must I discover my years of evisceration have embettered nothing? Sixteen years of barbs and jeers, spurred none to greatness.”
As it turns out, there is one group faring better: Stewart’s beloved New York Mets, who as of yesterday’s taping had claimed first place in the National League East division.