Jon Stewart returned to late night Thursday as the former Daily Show host briefly took the reins of the Late Show Thursday to speak directly to Donald Trump and ask that the president tone down his “dickishness.”
“Every day, you got the new things that Trump does, it just wears you down,” an exasperated Colbert said before Stewart swooped in from under Colbert’s desk to give the Late Show host a break.
Stewart then proceeded to speak directly to Trump, knowing that the president is an ardent watcher and hater of late-night television. “I know you’re upset about all the criticism you’ve taken and the ‘fake news’ and the ‘fake late-night shows,‘ it’s just we’re all still having trouble adjusting to your presidency as it goes into its 500th year,” Stewart said.
“Everything’s off its axis, it’s a little unusual. Apparently now Putin and Kim Jong-un are noble, intelligent role models, and Canada’s a bunch of giant assholes… I just want to say if there’s one aspect to your presidency that we’re finding most difficult it’s that no matter what you do, it always comes with that extra layer of gleeful cruelty and dickishness.”
Stewart cited kneeling NFL players, the women who accused Trump of sexual assault and John McCain as just some targets of Trump’s humiliation before turning his attention to the current immigration situation, which involved separating families at the border. “Boy, you fucked that up,” Stewart proclaimed.
“You casually separated people seeking asylum from their children, their babies,” Stewart said. “It made me realize something: You may be orange. You may like hamburgers. You may be a clown. But you are no Ronald McDonald.”
Realizing that negotiations to make Trump a better person would ultimately fail, Stewart referenced Abraham Lincoln’s historic Cooper Union speech, when the then-presidential hopeful acknowledged that the South’s demand for the North to change their views on slavery would likely break the Union.
“What Donald Trump wants is for us to stop calling his cruelty and fear and divisiveness wrong, and join him in calling it right. This we can not do,” Stewart said. “By not wielding, we will prevail.”