Last Week Tonight took off for the July 4th weekend, but before heading off to their barbecues, John Oliver taped a web exclusive detailing what Americans sacrificed by declaring independence from Britain. “As you know, since 1776, you’ve done very well as a nation, but it might be worth thinking about just a handful of things that you gave up when kicking Britain unceremoniously out of this country,” Oliver said.
“First, there is the matter of your accents, because these beautiful vowel sounds could have been yours,” Oliver said, spotlighting his own pronunciation, “but instead, from sea to shining sea, you speak like you just burnt your tongue on a hot apple pit.”
Oliver then listed distinctly British items like Bolo hats and meat pies as just some of what Americans are missing out on because they emancipated themselves from Britain.
“But the thing that Americans are really missing out on is pessimism,” Oliver added. “Americans are optimistic people that believe that the sky is the limit, whereas in Britain, we are painfully aware of our limits. In fact, just look at the British sky itself; even the sun is incapable of asserting itself there. British people never make the mistake of developing self-esteem because no matter what we achieve, deep down, we know we’ll never be as good as the Queen, which is to say, an elderly woman who frowns for a living.”
In the end, Oliver admitted that the United States is “honestly, way better off the way that things are.”
A new type of host is radically changing after-hours TV. Watch here.