The Late Show With Stephen Colbert shared a special Fourth of July message on behalf of every dog in America about to spend the night cowering in fear of fireworks. Or, as the canine community refers to them, “Boom boom scary time.”
The clip features an adorable pup “discussing” the various misconceptions about dogs and fireworks, primarily the assumption that dogs loathe fireworks because of their sensitive ears. The truth is their doggo dread is far more existential and geopolitical: “Honestly, we’re a little on edge about North Korea,” the dog admits
Noting the country’s recent intercontinental ballistic missile tests, the dog narrator urges humans to remember that while they may see fireworks as an “an Instagrammable, patriotic display,” to pups around the U.S. they’re a catastrophic cacophony. “We unleash a stampede of fight or flight adrenaline hormones, rendering us emotionally numb to the inevitability that every human and fire hydrant we’ve ever loved is about to vaporize into oblivion,” the dog warns. “Our tongues begin to salivate like Pavlov’s dog if he were conditioned to crave his own mortality — goodbye cruel world!”
However, the dog notes there is one sure way to help any pup stave of this crippling dread: Give them a chew toy.