Trevor Noah Slams Corporate Slush Fund in Republican Coronavirus Bill - Rolling Stone
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Trevor Noah Praises Angry Italian Mayors, Roasts Republicans Over Aid Package Slush Fund

Daily Show host continued to chronicle the latest coronavirus updates from his couch

Monday, Trevor Noah delved into the latest coronavirus updates from around the world — touching on the decision to reschedule the Olympics, angry Italian mayors and the $500 billion slush fund at the heart of the Republicans’ stimulus package on The Daily Social Distancing.

Noah started with how the crisis is continuing to play out abroad, noting that the long imperiled 2020 Olympics in Tokyo have finally been postponed until next year. But for Noah, that was hardly enough: “Tom and Linda are going forward with their game night as planned,” he grumbled. “I thought I’d gotten out of it, but now they want me to do it over Skype — unbelievable. How do you even play game night over Skype? … Just cancel Tom and Linda, just cancel!”

Noah then highlighted one of the few moments of pure comedy gold to emerge from the pandemic — video montages of Italian mayors absolutely excoriating their constituents for going outside during the full lockdown. He also pointed out that in Spain, the police have begun to entertain quarantined citizens with music in the streets, but noted that in the U.S. that would never work. “As soon as black people start clapping, the cops would lose their shit,” he cracked.

As for all that’s happening stateside, Noah spoke about how President Donald Trump is refusing to temporarily nationalize factories to help produce much-needed medical supplies, claiming it would turn the U.S. into Venezuela (meanwhile, Trump was simultaneously offering North Korea help with containing the pandemic there).

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Additionally, Noah praised medical TV shows for sending their leftover props to hospitals, but joked, “I’m glad they’re not giving their doctors in; those doctors are mad sexy. If you thought coronavirus made it hard to breathe before, can you imagine being treated by McDreamy?”

Finally, Noah touched on the deadlock in Congress over the specifics of a $2 trillion coronavirus relief package. He noted the most controversial item in the package from Senate Republicans is a $500 billion slush fund that the Trump administration would have complete discretion over, without needing to publicly state who they gave money to for six months.

“You realize, Trump would basically be able to choose which business he wants to survive and which businesses he wants to end up like his businesses,” Noah cracked. “Basically, any company that has publicly opposed Trump — or makes vegetables — could get screwed.”

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