With the end of the second impeachment trial of Donald Trump earlier Saturday, Saturday Night Live’s latest cold open recapped the proceedings under the guise of Tucker Carlson Tonight, with Republicans celebrating the acquittal of the former president for his role in the Capitol insurrection.
“Well, the impeachment has reached its foregone conclusion with the acquittal of Donald Trump,” host and “human White Claw” Carlson (Alex Moffat) said before welcoming two of Trump’s most ardent supporters, Lindsey Graham (Kate McKinnon) and Ted Cruz (Aidy Bryant).
“We all agree the attack on the Capitol was a horrible thing, but just because the radicals were yelling ‘Fight for Trump’ doesn’t mean they meant Donald Trump. Could’ve been some real Tiffany heads, maybe even some Eric stans,” McKinnon’s Graham said.
“But regardless, the trial is over and now we can move past this and focus on the serious issues. That’s locking up Hillary, and freeing beautiful Britney Spears.”
Bryant’s Cruz added, “Like any impartial jury, we took it upon ourselves to meet with the defense lawyers to give them some very simple legal advice: ‘Stop’ and ‘Don’t.'”
The host then showed “footage” of Trump’s much-mocked defense team during the trial, including the babbling Bruce Castor (Mikey Day) and Michael van der Veen (Pete Davidson), who might it a point to remind everyone repeatedly that he’s from “Phillydelphia.”
Carlson then welcomed Mitch McConnell who, despite condemning Trump for his role in the Capitol insurrection, voted to acquit.
“Everyone knows you can not impeach a former president, that’s why we should have impeached him before, back when I said we couldn’t,” Beck Bennett’s McConnell said.
“I think he’s guilty as hell, and the worst person I ever met, and I hope every city, county and state locks his ass up…. Aaah, god that felt good! I’ve been holding that inside my neck for four years.”