Stephen Colbert continued to mock “conspiracy radio host and furious hard-boiled egg” Alex Jones Friday as the Late Show host offered more updates from Jones’ legal battle with is ex-wife, who argues that the Infowars yeller is “too unstable” to have custody of their children.
In addition to name-checking Colbert during court proceedings, a fact that the Late Show host relishes, other recent Jones revelations include his alleged love of marijuana and “zebra steaks.”
“‘And would you like that rare or medium rare?’ ‘I’d like that extremely rare, endangered in fact,'” Colbert joked, adding that Jones’ ex-wife is a former member of PETA.
Jones’ drug use has also come into question, with the host admitting in testimony, “He sometimes smokes marijuana – nearly yearly – ‘to monitor its strength which is how law enforcement does it.'”
“All cops do this. All policemen get stoned once a year, but first they look in the mirror and say, ‘Am I a cop? I gotta tell me if I’m a cop,'” Colbert said.
Colbert then revived his Jones-spoofing Brain Fight host Tuck Buckford, who grunted about weed and giraffe meat.
“Tuck’s a bit mellow today, because for your safety, I have been testing the strength of some of George Soros’ patented mind-control marijuana,” Buckford said as he readied a bong. “I do it once a year, then once an hour for a year, just like the brave men and women of the Coast Guard. You can really taste the butane.”
Buckford also advanced one of his patented insane theories: “Tooth fairy is really the CIA coming into our children’s rooms at night to collect their DNA off the little molars and the bicuspids to use the DNA to generate artificial cyber sperm that they sell to the witches’ coven who use turkey basters to inseminate each other to create an army of demon babies to fight our wars. I’m not making this stuff up! I’m imagining it!”
While enjoying some giraffe meat with crack-cocaine sprinkled atop it like salt, Buckford went on another paranoid rant that ended with “You will fight my brain! My brain has cobra fangs! You’ll be dead in eight seconds! Hemotoxins!”