HBO’s Last Week Tonight has been enjoying a break since August 21st, but host John Oliver returned briefly on Sunday with birds on his mind and anger in his heart. “Fuck you, birds!” he declared. “Fuck you! I hope you never come back.”
The skit’s peg was ostensibly the arrival of fall. “As the weather cools down, birds are going to start their seasonal migration, which is of course when they travel to warmer climates in order to feed, grow and attract a mate,” Oliver noted. “It’s their version of Eat, Pray, Love, except birds are too dumb to realize that everything they needed was inside them the whole time.”
After that, he took the gloves off — there’s no love lost between Oliver and his feathered nemeses. “To me, every single bird is just a shitty sequel to the dinosaurs,” he explained. He likened geese to “ducks that played football in high school and never stopped going to the gym” and hummingbirds to “obese bees in need of a nose job.” Penguins, however, he approves of.
“I hope all you disgusting sky mice enjoy your tropical getaways,” Oliver concluded, “while the rest of us face the frigid torment of winter. And I hope each and every one of you flies into a wind turbine on your way north next spring.”
Last Week Tonight returns on September 25th.