Jimmy Fallon mocked President Donald Trump‘s wild decision-making since taking office in a skit on The Tonight Show on Monday. “Look people, I’ve made my position on immigration very clear,” Fallon’s Trump declared. “When it comes to immigrants, you have two choices: either get out of here, or marry me.”
In Fallon’s portrayal, Trump relies on random choice to dictate all his actions. “Two or three people have been criticizing my executive orders,” the spoof President acknowledged. “They say they’re dangerous, crazy, and ‘almost as though he’s spinning a giant wheel and doing whatever it lands on.’ To those of you who say that: you’re right.”
It turns out that Fallon’s Trump picks cabinet members by lottery – “If the ball is white, I nominate a Wall Street insider; if the ball is black, I nominate Ben Carson” – and has a “Huge Wheel of Decisions” to determine his next political move. Possibilities include “fire all teachers” and “outlaw falafel.” “Sure, repealing Obamacare isn’t great,” Trump says. “But at least it didn’t land on ‘Nuke the moon just to see what happens.'”
Fallon also riffed on a variety of already classic Trump tropes, including the size of his hands – “Imagine how hard it is to use vending machines” – and his penchant for inventing words like “nextly” and “in conclusionally.”
As the segment comes to a close, Fallon’s Trump pulls out a separate decision wheel to help him pick his nominee for the Supreme Court. Who made the cut? Kenny G, Kanye West, Cap’n Crunch and Big Bird.
Donald Trump signed an executive order on the construction of the Keystone and Dakota Access Pipelines. Watch here.