See Samantha Bee Riff on Mueller Hearings in ‘Full Frontal’ Segment – Rolling Stone
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See Samantha Bee Riff on Mueller Hearings in ‘Full Frontal’ Segment

“He gave his testimony with all the enthusiasm and passion of a recently fired Basset Hound”

Samantha Bee tore into the Mueller hearings on Full Frontal Wednesday night, telling the audience that she watched the event with “mixed emotions”: Anticipation that it would push the Democrats to finally pursue impeachment of President Donald Trump, caution not to get her hopes up and, primarily, boredom.

“Mueller’s testimony was like watching depressed paint dry,” she said. The special counsel clearly did not want to be at the hearings, repeatedly answering questions by telling Congress to go back and read the Mueller Report submitted back in March.

“Mueller said so little during the hearings, but he looked like he aged ten years,” said Bee. “He gave his testimony with all the enthusiasm and passion of a recently fired Basset Hound. The only way Mueller could have looked less interested in testifying this morning is if he spent the testimony wearing glasses with open eyes painted on them.”

But Bee stressed the importance of the hearings and the overall investigation, given that Democrats who want impeachment are still trying to sell their entire party on the idea before it’s too late. “Who can forget the Democratic party slogan, ‘Someone should do something, but let’s wait to see if it’s okay, wait, too late: ah shit.'”

She went on to say that Democrats didn’t even really need Mueller’s new testimony – the evidence was already in the Mueller Report. “Donald Trump pressured James Comey to drop an investigation into Michael Flynn’s ties to Russia, then fired him after he refused. Trump pressured his cronies not to give information on him and ordered that Mueller himself be fired. It’s hard to see how that’s not obstruction. You have everything you need to decide the question, should Donald Trump be impeached? And the answer is: Yes.”

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