With his final Daily Show on the horizon, Jon Stewart took time from Tuesday’s episode to reveal some insider secrets – like whom he’d “marry, shag and kill” from group of friends Larry Wilmore, John Oliver and Stephen Colbert.
Stewart answers that riveting query during a segment called “Askhole,” wherein Daily Show correspondents Hasan Minhaj and Jordan Klepper interrogate the host with fan questions and bully their boss like grizzled detectives. “Some things are best left unsaid,” Stewart says of his shagging options. But he relents after they threaten him with an Arby’s enema. “Fine, I’d fuck every one of them,” he says. “Every single one of them in every position in every room of the house. And then I would make them breakfast in the morning. And then I would hold them.”
When asked his favorite guest of all time, the host first gives a safe, respectable answer – Jimmy Carter – though with a jokey explanation. “Because usually he’s drunk,” he says. “And right afterwards, he’s always like, ‘Can we go look for whores?'” After Minhaj uses a knife and fork to eat pizza — a nod to Donald Trump’s 2011 Daily Show appearance — Stewart divulges more favorite guest names, including longtime pals Colin Quinn and Louis C.K.
Stewart also reveals the contents of his signature note card doodles. “It’s not like I’ve been writing a novel one sentence a day for 16 years about the struggles of a female blacksmith working in a male-dominated profession,” he jokes. This prods Klepper to cue up a montage of the host’s acting career – including the notorious 2002 flop Death to Smoochy – as Stewart writhes in agony. “I get bored,” he says. “I can’t smoke anymore, so I scribble. I doodle the same cartoons over and over again.” Stewart then recreates his usual drawings, including himself in college with a “jewfro.”
Stewart’s final Daily Show will air August 6th.