Last Week Tonight With John Oliver, like every other show on television, is currently enjoying their Christmas hiatus. However, John Oliver is enjoying the time off less than others, posting a video Sunday night designed with one purpose in mind: Ruining your holidays.
Oliver takes aim at a holiday that is universally despised by everyone regardless of religion: New Year’s Eve. Oliver asks, “Do you really want to sit on your friends’ sofa and watch hummus turn brown all night?”
“New Year’s Eve is like the death of a pet. You know it’s going to happen, but somehow you’re never truly prepared for how truly awful it is,” Oliver says. “New Year’s Eve is the worst. It combines three of the least pleasant things known to mankind: Forced interaction with strangers, being drunk, cold and tired and having to stare at Ryan Seacrest for five solid minutes, waiting for him to tell you what the time is.”
The host then lists off various excuses you can use to avoid going to someone’s house party on December 31st, from making up a disease named after Willem Dafoe’s character in The Boondock Saints – a movie so awful that, if your friends recognize the character name, you should stop being friends with them immediately – or simply telling your friends that you’re doing a cleanse. “There will be no follow-up questions, because nobody wants to hear about your fucking cleanse,” Oliver says.