As Kimmel explained, United was trying to make room for four of its own employees who needed to get from Chicago to Louisville. The airline attempted to incentivize passengers to give up their seats, but after there were no takers, the crew randomly selected four passengers to boot. One of them, however, refused, saying he was a doctor and needed to be at a hospital in Louisville the following morning. Security officers ultimately bullied the man out of his seat and dragged him down the aisle of the plane.
While the whole incident dumbfounded Kimmel, he was even more astounded by the response from United’s CEO, Oscar Muñoz, who apologized on Twitter “for having to re-accommodate these customers.”
“Just like we re-accommodated El Chapo out of Mexico,” Kimmel cracked. “That is such sanitized, say-nothing, take-no-responsibility, corporate B.S. speak. I don’t know how the guy who sent that tweet didn’t vomit when he typed it out.”
At the end of the bit, Kimmel aired a new fake promo for the airline, which featured a cheery stewardess brandishing brass knuckles while she said, “Give us a problem and we’ll drag your ass off the plane. And if you resist, we’ll beat you so badly, you’ll be using your own face as a flotation device.”