Alec Baldwin‘s Donald Trump returned to Saturday Night Live with a cold open sketch that turned a mundane presidential press conference with Baltic leaders into a soapbox for subjects like Stormy Daniels, the trade war with China, Amazon and Roseanne.
“Today we’ve got leaders from the Baltic states, we’ve got Estonia, Lithuania and I want to say Stankonia,” the president said. “Let’s make this quick because I have a lot of trade wars to escalate, okay? That’s why I just announced tariffs on Chinese products including fireworks and finger traps. We’ve also expelled the infamous Chinese billionaire P.F. Chang.”
After struggling to stay on script, and accidentally congratulating Vladimir Putin on the Russian president’s reelection, the Baltic leaders begin to speak, allowing Trump to recede into his own thoughts.
“I wish I was watching Roseanne, how great is that show? Roseanne loves me, she’s like a good Rosie O’Donnell,” Trump said in voiceover before audibly falling asleep at the podium.
While taking questions from the press, Trump is asked about his call for National Guard troops to the Mexican border.
“Look we have to keep our borders secure,” Baldwin’s Trump said. “Mexico is sending caravans full of immigrants toward us, and I’ve seen these caravans: Truck after truck, barreling across the desert. The trucks are covered in metal and spikes. There’s a guy strapped in front just wailing away on a flaming guitar. And there are freaky albino dudes, shimmying around skinny little poles.”
The Lithuanian leader then pointed out that Trump is describing Mad Max: Fury Road, with Trump then retorting that the immigrants are Mad Max-icans.
As for whether Trump’s tariff war and immigration policies are harming America’s standing in the world, the president finally admitted, “Here’s the thing that no one else is saying and I’m the only one who’s actually willing to say this: I don’t care about America, okay? This whole presidency is a four-year cash grab and admitting that will probably get me four more years, but I do not care about any of you, okay?”