After a one-week absence, Alec Baldwin's Donald Trump returned to Saturday Night Live with a cold open sketch where Trump distracts everyone at a rally on tax reform with rants about Mike Pence, Bob Corker and Secretary of State Rex Tillerson.
During the "Trucker Hat Rally," Trump continually brags at how great his tax reform plan is, but just as he's about to go into detail on the plan, he suddenly switches course to complain about things like anthem protests and being called a "moron" by Tillerson.
"We love America, don't we? That's why I had Mike Pence go to the Colts game on Sunday and when those players knelt during the anthem I told him to get the hell out of there," Trump said. "But don't worry, we're taking Mike's Colts tickets and donating them to Puerto Rico. They just have to fly themselves to Indiana and book their own hotel. Because at some point, they have to start doing things for themselves."
Trump then stops the rally to call Pence and make sure the vice president leaves an Indiana Pacers game if the players don't respect the anthem. After Pence and his wife bail on the game, Trump forces them to abandon a Starbucks because holiday cups aren't in stock yet.
Pence then accidentally attends a gay wedding, with Trump again – via cellphone – demanding his vice president leave. "I know you hate this word but 'Abort! Abort,' Trump said. "Outrageous. No one should disrespect the sanctity of marriage like that. In my favorite verse of the Bible, Double Corinthians, marriage is between a man and a woman… then another woman… then another woman… then maybe one more if you have it in you."
Baldwin's Trump ended the rally by responding to Eminem's fiery Trump-trashing cypher from earlier in the week.
"In conclusion, I think we solved the tax stuff, just like we solved Puerto Rico," Trump said. "And finally, Eminem apparently did a freestyle rap on the Bet network the other day, and he rapped some very nasty things about me, and very soon I'm gonna release the response rap on the white entertainment network HGTV. So Eminem, watch your back.