4. Irwin Mainway
Dan Aykroyd specialized in two-bit hustlers, from Richard Nixon to his Bass-O-Matic salesman. But this pinkie-ring New Jersey sleazebag was the darkest and funniest. Irwin Mainway showed up up on Consumer Probe to defend his line of children's toys, including "Mr. Skin Grafter," "Bag O' Glass" and "General Trahn's Secret Police Confession Kit," as well as the popular Halloween costume "Johnny Human Torch" — a pile of oily rags and a lighter. He also ran his amusement park Kiddie Funworld, featuring rides like the Ice Palace (a bunch of abandoned refrigerators) and the Tunnel of Noxious Gases.
Best line: "Look, we put a label on every bag that says, 'Kid! Be careful — broken glass!' I mean, we sell a lot of products in the 'Bag O' line, like Bag O' Glass, Bag O' Nails, Bag O' Bugs, Bag O' Vipers, Bag O' Sulfuric Acid."