Final Destination 5
It’s the dog days of summer, the best time to kick back at your ice-station multiplex and get the living crap scared out of you. Damn you, Hollywood, for scamming us with the same tired tricks. Final Destination 5 starts with an R-rated 3D bang as wanna-be chef Sam (Nicholas D’Agosto) has a vision that a collapsing bridge will kill his peeps. Then it all happens in blood-splattering detail, just like in every FD flick. Sam and seven pals, including girlfriend Molly (Emma Bell), cheat death, so the Grim Reaper’s BFF (series regular Tony Todd) comes calling to even the score. Kudos for evisceration by acupuncture and Lasik eye surgery. But the cheap thrills wear off way fast, and we’re left with atrocious acting, feeble writing and clueless directing (from first-timer Steven Quale). The horror! The horror!
• The 12 Must-See Summer Movies — Plus Five Unheralded Gems and Five More to Skip
• The Best and Worst Movies of 2011 — So Far