Over the weekend, Trump made an unannounced visit to Walter Reed Medical Center for what the White House called his annual physical, even though it was coming less than a year after his last one. On Twitter, Trump fueled speculation that something was amiss when he said he’d just popped into the hospital for “phase one” of his physical, which he’ll complete next year.
“That’s not a thing,” Noah cracked. “Nobody breaks their annual physical into phases. You’re not like, ‘Yeah, today we can cup the balls and in March I’ll come back and cough.'”
Noah noted that people have been speculating wildly about the actual reason for Trump’s hospital visit. The host suggested one possible reason was the president suffered a panic attack over the snowballing allegations in the impeachment inquiry. Specifically, Noah noted last week’s revelation that a State Department official overheard Trump loudly asking European Union ambassador Gordon Sondland over the phone about a Ukrainian investigation into Joe Biden; then, over the weekend, that staffer, David Holmes, confirmed the incident in a leaked copy of his opening statement (Holmes has already testified privately, but is set to testify publicly Thursday).
Noah’s favorite part of Holmes’ private testimony, however, was when the diplomat claimed that Sondland told Trump during their phone call that Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky “loves your ass.” With Sondland set to testify on Wednesday, Noah joked, “You know they’re going to have to ask him about this in the hearings. It’ll be like, ‘Mr. Sondland, does Zelensky really love Trump’s ass?’ And he’ll be like, ‘That’s correct, he likes big butts and I cannot lie to Congress.'”