Welcome back to another installment of the Rolling Stone “Everything Index,” our midweek rankings of pop-culture power players, partially dead cats and pop-punk bands.
Yes, one look at the chart should tell you that it’s been a wild week for WTF, and it’s only Wednesday. From the omnipresent Kim Kardashian and the elusive Double Down Dog to the all-female Ghostbusters squad and the all-hype Winter Storm Juno, there’s something for everyone, which is just the way we like it. After all, we can’t get by on Miley Cyrus jokes alone. Shoot, we even manage to make a Super Bowl prediction.
So before the Seahawks and Patriots decide to settle things with their words, let’s get to our midweek hit list: the good, the bad and Everything in between. It’s time to do some Indexing.
1. Kim Kardashian’s T-Mobile Commercial: Pneumatic space-filler stars in new Super Bowl ad, pokes fun at her selfie obsession. On January 26, 2015, it became self-aware.
2. Winter Storm Juno: Much-hyped blizzard was pretty much a disappointment. More like Winter Storm Jennifer’s Body.
3. The Ghostbusters Reboot: Long-dormant franchise is resurrected, with Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones strapping on the Proton Packs. We can’t wait to hear how Fox News will report this.
4. The Zombie Cat: Florida feline is run over by a car, pronounced dead and buried, yet still shows up five days later looking for dinner. Who’s a pussy now?!?
5. Jared Leto’s Totally Sweet Ford Bronco: Raise your hand if you thought the Academy Award-winning frontman of Thirty Seconds to Mars was the kind of guy who would roll up to a SAG Awards after party in a custom truck with a flame paintjob and a cooler on back. Really? All of you?
6. The League: Exclusive new dating app positions itself as “a more selective Tinder that’s only for the most interesting and motivated single people.” We’re gonna assume our invite got lost in the mail.
8. The Double Down Dog: KFC’s latest artery-clogging creation is a cheese-covered hot dog stuffed inside a piece of chicken. It is somehow less appealing than the Zombie Cat.
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10. Super Bowl XLIX: Roger Goodell and Co. attempt to put a silver lining on an otherwise dreary NFL season with Sunday’s Big Game. Our pick? Seahawks over the Patriots, 28-17. That’s in sub-concussive head injuries, BTW.