The Everything Index: Kanye’s Kid Weeps for Us All
It’s time for another edition of Rolling Stone‘s “Everything Index,” our midweek rankings of pop-culture’s power players.
While it would be tempting to say we’ve gone to the dogs this week (props to Miss P!), there’s plenty of celebrified ephemera to fill out our list; namely, North West’s zeitgeist-seizing meltdown at New York Fashion Week, Lady Gaga’s surprisingly normal engagement ring and ninjas fighting for national recognition. Oh, and shame…there’s always shame.
So before we remember what we did at Mardi Gras, let’s get to our midweek hitlist: the good, the bad and Everything in between. Let’s do some Indexing.
1. North West Freaks Out at Fashion Week: Kim and Kanye’s adorable offspring does it just like daddy, throws epic tantrum during NYFW show. We feel you, Nori – distressed knits are so 2014.
2. Lady Gaga Gets Engaged: And the ring isn’t made out of Liberace’s bones!
3. The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show: All hail Miss P, the 15-inch beagle named “Best in Show” at Tuesday night’s showdown of top pups. She’s the baddest bitch, and we mean that in all sincerity.
4. Mardi Gras Is Over: But your shame will live forever.
5. Drake: The King of the North surprises fans with release of dour, dolorific If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late. Is it an album? A mixtape? A kiss-off to Cash Money? Who knows – we’re still trying to figure out why there’s no punctuation on the cover.
6. The Oscars: Hollywood’s annual self-congratulatory celebration is this Sunday. Which scripted audience selfie will win Best Picture?
7. Hot Tub Time Machine 2 Finally Arrives: Seriously, how is this movie not in theaters yet? At this point, we need an actual time machine to escape its endless promo cycle.
8. Justin Bieber Gets Egged: Canada’s gift to the world gets his comeuppance, plays up egging incident in new promo for his Comedy Central Roast. Now if only we could get justice for that mop bucket he pissed in.
9. The Situation’s Tanning Salon: Former Jersey Shore washboard (he put the “ab” in “abomination”) / current cautionary tale Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino reportedly loses lease on strip-mall bronzing business. Blame the complimentary Ron-Ron Juice spritzers?
10. Ninja Day: Japanese ninjitsu enthusiasts start their own holiday, though they’ll still probably have to use smoke bombs to disappear from work.