“Is it me or does every story sound like the opening voiceover in a Mad Max movie?,” co-anchor Colin Jost said of the week’s headlines.
“The year is 2022. A virus rages across the planet. Digital money has collapsed. Infants have nothing to eat. Women are forced to breed. Men are ready to die for gasoline. And we suffer under the leadership of the one known only as Joe.”
Jost also quipped that BitCoin crashed so much it must now refer to itself as “Bit O’ Coin.”
Turning to other news, co-anchor Michael Che said, “The Jan. 6 committee has subpoenaed five sitting Republican congressmen after they refused to testify voluntarily. Said the Republican congressmen, ‘You can’t force us to do anything, we’re not pregnant.'”
Che added, “Amazon announced that it would pay employees that have to travel to get an abortion up to $4000 in expenses every year. The only catch is you have to do it over your eight-minute lunch break.”
As for Apple’s decision to stop production on the iPod, Che said it’s “because Apple products become obsolete once they’re older than the kids who make them.”