In a bit during last night’s episode of The Colbert Report, host Stephen Colbert was hell-bent not be outdone by Today‘s Matt Lauer and Al Roker, who recently received on-air prostate exams. Since their exams took place during “November sweeps” – the time when TV networks and advertisers scrutinize a show’s ratings most – Colbert upped the ante by including a prostate exam and celebrities in a segment he wryly dubbed “Stephen Colbert’s November Sweeps Prostacular.” After all, according to Colbert, “Any newsman can get some old doctor to stick his digital up your analog. But Sweeps is all about guest stars.”
As he bent over his desk, sticking his head through a medical green “privacy curtain,” a voice piped in: “Did someone say guest stars?” One by one, they arrived, all repeating that line: John Lithgow, Katie Couric, the Black Keys.
When the Keys’ Dan Auerbach and Patrick Carney piped in with that question, Colbert replied in his typically over-expositional way, “Well, technically, no, but Dan and Patrick of the Grammy-award winning indie-rock duo the Black Keys, what are you doing here?”
Auerbach replied, “Stephen, a smooth prostate the size of a walnut, that’s music to our ears.”
With that, the gauntlet was thrown, and Colbert had to decide who he wanted to give him the exam, “due to the limited capacity of my colon.” With each celebrity making their case, Auerbach assured the talk-show host, “Stephen, tonight, I want you to think of us as the ‘Brown Keys,’ a two-man medical team. I’m the frontman, so I’ll conduct the exam.” Carney grimaced and said, “And I’ll play the drums and not conduct the exam.”
Without spoiling anything, it’s worth watching the clip to the end just to see what the Keys are doing during the signoff.