The Kardashians’ 25 Best On-Screen Jobs

Kim Is a Private Eye

KAKTM Season 3, Episode 8

Kim's habit of inserting herself into other people's business was not limited to spying on her staff. She's returned time and again to this kind of behavior, and it's never been more pronounced than the time when she joined a private investigator on the search for a missing Miami teenager.

"I have this sick, twisted fascination with investigating," she explains. "If I wasn't doing what I'm doing now, I'd be a crime scene investigator."

A 15-year-old girl named Fara has gone missing and Kim is immediately committed to helping PI Jake solve "the kidnaps, the murders [and] help families really find their truth."

Kim is in her element, scouring the girl's social-media accounts for clues about her boyfriend, whom her family believes is the reason she's missing. They discover Fara is not his first abductee; the 29-year-old man has a record and is "prostitutin' these girls." After tracking him to an apartment, the PIs back off; they can't aggravate the situation in case someone is hurt, and can't take Fara with them lest they then assume the role of kidnapper. They decide to do surveillance then hand over to law enforcement. This means "it's the end of the road for [Kim]." As Jake and a disappointed Kim drive away from the apartment complex, another investigator sets off a loud car alarm. "Way to be discreet," Kim scoffs. Already she knows better.

The episode ends with the title card: "Despite law enforcement's continued efforts to locate Fara, leads have run thin. Jake is actively looking for Fara's whereabouts."

Kim Is a Loss-Prevention Officer

KUWTK Season 10, Episode 6

To combat an increasing scale of theft at Dash's SoHo outpost, Kim's sisters suggest she visit the store and speak to the staff. Kim instead decides to bug the store and spy on the staff from a van outside.

"I have always loved investigating," she says, "I am the best spy; I can figure anything out." She recruits Sal, a member of Jonathan's security team, to pretend to be a customer to see what happens when he attempts to steal from the store. Unfortunately, Sal's approach is to intimidate, frighten and creep out the store's staff when he talks about Kim's nude photoshoots and how much he wishes his wife looked like her. They keep a wide berth around him, leaving him to pilfer stock from right under their noses. As soon as he leaves the store, the Dash employees discuss his behavior, as women who have experienced lecherous men are wont to do.

Kim is horrified that he succeeded in his mission, but understanding of why the girls ignored him: "I know when I worked in retail, if there was a guy that we thought was creepy we'd kinda stay away from him." There's no excuse for how easily Sal's female colleague manages to shoplift from the store, though, so Kim calls all the staffers together to let them know she's been watching them. They vow to do a better job at protecting the store's brand and merchandise.

Scott Is an Alligator Hunter

KAKTM Season 3, Episode 10

While living in Miami, Scott is introduced to The Bachelor's Vienna Girardi, whose parents have an alligator farm. She invites him to visit and hunt an alligator for a pair of loafers. That is the summary of this episode: Scott kills an alligator for shoes.

Before he heads to the Everglades, a few people ask Scott why he can't just buy a pair of shoes, and he doesn't really have an answer beyond, "A lot goes into being a stylish man; you gotta kill or be killed."

After mocking Vienna's family, Scott and his buddies load into a car wearing camo gear, noting, "I really feel like we're on our way to do something bad." Their instincts are right. A few minutes later, the hunting party spots an eight-year-old alligator and surrounds the terrified animal. Then, in one of the most horrifying moments we've ever seen in the series' history, Scott is instructed to fire his gun "right in the eye" and does just that. The moment of impact is blurred on screen, but images of the dead animal – which we're shown over and over again – are not. His justification? "If I didn't kill it, somebody else would."

"That's, like, barbarian," Kim tells Scott when he arrives home to recount his adventure.

After justifying his actions by saying things like, "If you eat what you hunt it's not nearly as inhumane as you think" (he tasted a "gator nugget"), Scott backpedals and winds up announcing that a series of nightmares in which animals are preying on him has instilled enough guilt in him. "At this point, I'm not even going to put my alligator shoes on."

The episode ends with Scott and Kourtney taking Mason on a trip to the Everglades to see alligators in captivity. When Mason sees a tank of baby alligators he asks, "Where's their daddy?" and with that, Scott is sufficiently shamed.

Khloe Is a Forensic Psychologist

KAKTM Season 2, Episode 3

"Honestly, I live with a sociopath now and I'm fine," Khloé tells her producer on Khloé After Dark when he expresses concern over her request to interview a serial killer on the show. He can't organize that, but the next best thing is an interview with forensic psychologist Dr. Helen Morrison.

Producer: "Have you ever heard of John Wayne Gacy?"

Khloé: "No."

Producer: "He killed 33 young men and [Dr. Morrison] actually now has his brain."

Khloé: "Ew."

Khloé is sent to Chicago to interview the serial killer expert and brings Kourtney and baby Mason along, while Scott harasses their Dash employees at a club opening back in Miami. After a brief conversation with Morrison, Khloé is convinced Scott is a sociopath who's chosen his vulnerable target in Kourtney. When they get home, Khloé begins baiting him with questions like, "Did you kill any pets as a kid?"

Kim Is a Stage Mom

KUWTK Season 6, Episode 23

A year into 15-year-old Kendall's modeling career, she's hired to model for Sherri Hill in New York City. Kris, her manager, can't take her for non-specific reasons, so Kim sidles into the role. "I want to introduce you to the fashion world of New York," she tells an excited Kendall. At this point, Kim is dating Kris Humphries long-distance, so her fashion clout – which is largely credited to Kanye's minimalistic influence on her wardrobe and friendship with the fashion elite – is a few years away. As soon as they arrive in their hotel, Kim goes from jumping on the bed with Kendall, yelling, "To modelling!" to ordering her little sister to clean her nails, put on a face mask and her pajamas and get in bed.

There is always a moment in episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians where uncool behavior is justified by saying something like, "We're family! I only did this [insert minor act of betrayal or aggression] because I care about you!" In this episode, it comes after Kim books Kendall for a runway show and ignores her sister repeatedly saying she's scared of runway and not ready for that step in her career. (A fear she's clearly overcome in recent years.) "Kendall, stop embarrassing me!" Kim cries as Kendall slams a door in her face, after a disastrous session with a runway coach. Without missing a beat, Kendall deadpans to the camera, "Kim originally wanted to do runway but ended up being too short for it, so I think she's taking her fantasy out on me."

The episode ends with the girls back at home and Kim apologizing for her behavior (after justifying it to Caitlyn with, "It's my job as a big sister to introduce her to things she's not comfortable with!").They hug and Kim proclaims, "No to stage mom! Yes to long, sexy legs!"

Khloe Is a Drag Queen Judge

KAKTM Season 1, Episode 4

During Pride Week, Khloé focuses on gay rights issues on Khloé After Dark and proclaims she is all for doing things to support "my gay community" – until a representative of gay rights charity Save Dade invites her to judge a drag lookalike contest. Things go south fast when Khloé proves how cool she is by repeatedly using a transgender slur and speaking about the LGBTQ community in a generally super uncool way: "On blog sites I get referred to as a tranny. Me hosting a drag queen lookalike contest? Transsexuals and drag queens are not the same thing, but it is adding fuel to the fire."

It takes an on-air confrontation with an anti-gay marriage campaigner to change Khloé's tune: "I hate being called a tranny, but I hate small-minded [censored] even more." She agrees to host and judge the Khloé lookalike competition.

Despite clearly articulating that transgender people and drag queens aren't comparable, she still waits until all the performers have finished their acts before grabbing the mic and announcing, "I just wanna say that this was hard for me to do, but if I get compared to beautiful women like you any day I don't mind being compared to a tranny! You guys are all stunning! Love you guys!"

The drag contest had a winner, but that's about the only positive takeaway here.

Scott Is a Race Car Driver

KUWTK Season 8, Episode 5

A member of the Kardashian/Jenner family declaring, for the first time ever, that they're pursuing a "lifelong dream" without question from anyone around them is a recurring theme in their show. This time, it's not Kim's lifelong dream of being in Playboy or Khloé's lifelong dream of riding horses, but Scott's lifelong dream of being a race car driver. "I'm not gonna be the best at first, but I guess I gotta try," he tells Kourtney, who is texting someone about wallpaper choices, before he flies to Monterey to attend a racing school.

Showing up late to a class filled with more experienced drivers triggers Scott's anxiety, and he bails on the lesson before the day is done. The idea of doing something he's dreamed of (even if it's only been for a day or two) turns out to be harder than it seemed. By episode's end, Scott admits his fear of failing – something he thinks people automatically expect he will do – has kept him from even trying. On a hike with Kourtney, he explains his reason for bailing and finds new faith within himself.

Scott: "It's scary, but –"

Kourtney: "Yolo."

Scott: " – I gotta open up these wings and I gotta fly."

Kris Is the Manager of a Band

KUWTK Season 5, Episode 7

Seeking "an identity outside the family" leads Kris to toy with the idea of co-managing BG5, a new girl group, with Kenneth Crear, who used to manage Janet Jackson. He cites Kris' "business mind and savvy" and her "knack with the females" as the reasons for proposing the partnership. Kris is keen, but Khloé's resistant to the idea. "You're our manager, not theirs. You're not supposed to be someone else's manager, especially not someone named R2D2."

The rest of the family is similarly doubtful: "When was the last time you listened to a song?" Kendall asks.

"You listen to the same tape – Luther Vandross," Caitlyn notes.

Kris agrees that she's too overwhelmed managing her own family to take on another project, and tells the band just that. But this occurs about halfway into the episode, so you know she's nowhere near done toying with the idea.

At BG5's showcase – seemingly a private performance in their studio for only the Kardashian family – Kris says she loves their work but is "so sad [I] can't help them meet their full potential." After crying a little to Kourtney and Kendall, Kris asks the band if they'll still have her. They all dance onstage for a minute before Kris yells, "Yay! I have a new job!"

Kourtney Is a Bikini Waxer

KAKTM Season 2, Episode 2

Just as the producers of this show use bizarre career moves to manufacture storylines, so too does Khloé After Dark use guest interviews to inspire plots for entire episodes. We open on Khloé interviewing Tommy Lee for no reason other than to discuss how committed they both are to "keep[ing] it nice and tight [and] clean" in the swimsuit area for the benefit of their respective partners.

At this point, Khloé and Lamar have been together for eight months, but shooting a spinoff show in Miami means they rarely get to spend time together. Khloé goes lingerie shopping to prepare for Lamar's impending visit, but soon is laying on the floor of the changing room because there's one thing she's forgotten: "I'm freaking out, Lamar has never seen me without a bikini wax!" There have been plenty of high points in this show over the past decade, but watching Khloé yelling, "I cannot let Lamar see me as a hairy beast!. . .I want him to always see me as 'Oh my perfect little wife who's perfect down there,'" is not one of them. Luckily, Kourtney's blind confidence isn't restricted to outdoor activities, and she offers to wax her sister's bikini line. (At no point is it explained why she cannot just go and get a bikini wax at a salon.) "I am terrified to let Kourt do this," Khloé admits, while Kourtney literally rubs her hands together as she cackles, "It'll be fun to rip out Khloé's pubes, one by one."

"Lamar will thank his lucky stars that he is not having to witness what I am," Kourtney tells Khloé, as she crouches between her sister's legs with a pot of wax she's reheated in the microwave. Her words – "I could literally be a waxer as my new job" – do not correspond to her actions – namely, burning Khloé's bikini line. (Or, in Khloé's words, "[making] my vagina a swollen mess!") From there, it's all hands on deck to sooth the burn before Lamar arrives. Kourtney suggests slathering butter on it, while Scott deadpans, "You don't want your husband to get home and see a beefed-up cooch all burned," as he nurses baby Mason with one hand and throws ice at his sister-in-law with the other.

The episode concludes with Lamar telling Khloé he thinks she's perfect. All is right in the world.

Khloe Hosts ‘The X Factor’

KAKTM Season 3, Episode 9

During the family's third takeover of Miami, rumors are flying that Khloé will be the host of the new season of The X Factor, something she says she's always wanted to do. As soon as she gets the call from Kris confirming the job, the fear sets in: "I've never hosted a day in my life, I've never been on live TV." Before leaving for L.A. to begin rehearsing, she clutches Kim's boobs ("These are like my mood ring") to predict if things will go well. They don't. After just one rehearsal, she demands that Kris call Simon Cowell to dismiss her from the job. "I'm going to fake a heart attack to get out of it!"

She pulls through and confronts her fears, but the moment she steps onstage for the first live show, Simon starts riffing with her about the temperature of the air conditioning. "It's very distracting," he laughs. She doesn't cotton on until a producer pipes up in her earpiece to say, "Your aereolas are showing."

Apart from that, the gig goes well. After a brief transition to London, where all three sisters are promoting their Dorothy Parker line and having a "whose vagina smells best" contest, Khloé is back on The X Factor set with no fears to speak of. "I'm excited to take the stage tonight. I'm excited to be amazing."

Kim Is a Singer

KUWTK Season 3, Episode 6

Over lunch with Ciara, Kim learns that The-Dream heard her singing with Jimmy Fallon at the Emmys and has been trying to get in touch with her. She says she's too shy and nervous to sing in front of anyone else, but when has a fear stopped a Kardashian from following a dream? (Or, in this case, The-Dream.)

"I'm not Beyoncé, I'm not, like, Celine Dion. I'm well aware of that," Kim warns him, before taking a demo home to practice. By now, we know that the end result, "Jam (Turn It Up)," is not great – but you'd never know that watching the show. Kourtney and Joyce dance on couches as Kim sings the bridge, while The-Dream gives credit where it's due: "I'm really happy with my thinking that this would work. I feel like a genius right now."

Kris Is in a Dance Crew

KUWTK Season 2, Episode 4

"Dang it, you guys, my brain is too old!" Kris cries out, after attempting — and failing — to keep up with the Old School Dance Team, "a group of over-40 women who dance at half-time for the L.A. Sparks basketball games." It probably doesn't help Kris' confidence that accompanying her to the rehearsal is Caitlyn, who boasts about having been named "best dancer," "most athletic" and "best-looking" in high school. Kris' new career as a dancer lasts about five minutes. During a session with a choreographer in the gym, she falls and injures her knee (all off-camera). Is she faking? When Kris is wheeled through a hospital to get knee surgery, we realize we may have been too quick to judge.

While their mom recuperates from surgery at home, Khloé and Kourtney bring her a tiny cheerleader's uniform with "TRASHY" emblazoned across the back. It's with this gesture that Kris realizes that her daughters really do support her dreams.

Kourtney Is a Sailor

KAKTTH Season 1, Episode 6

Over the course of 15 seasons, Kourtney has established her position as the family member who dabbles in a hobby briefly then declares herself to be an expert at it. It's highly irritating to meet someone like this in reality, but it makes for great reality TV.

While on a beach day out in the Hamptons, Scott notes how perfect the weather is for sailing. "I think I have my sailing license," Kourtney muses. Khloé is doubtful, but Kourtney continues: "I am a sick sailor, guys. When I went to camp in the Adirondack Mountains, I learned how to sail. . .I didn't just take one class, I was at camp for one or two months." Scott recognizes her delusion in an instant: "She legitimately thinks she's a captain."

Khloé offers a counterpoint: "I went to art class after school and, trust me, I would never say I was an artiste." But Kourtney is undeterred. "I am a pottery master also," she replies. "If you asked me to install a Nintendo system I could do it in a second."

Eager to see his partner and the mother of his children fail, Scott brings a sailboat called Little Big Fun to test Kourtney's skills. Despite the boat almost capsizing and filling with water the second the takes control, Kourtney still insists she has a handle on it.

It's not until Scott is thrown overboard that she concedes defeat. "All right, I admit I'm not as good as I thought I was," she says. "You don't need to be little bitches about it."

Khloe Is an Actress

KUWTK Season 2, Episode 2

Bored with managing the day-to-day duties at Dash while her more famous older sister is "busy doing photo shoots and lounging around and traveling from here to there," Khloé decides to take an acting class. "You should totally try acting, you'd be really good at it," Kourtney insists before grabbing Khloé's arms. What follows is about 20 seconds of Kourtney slapping Khloé's butt and wrestling her to the floor saying, "It's for acting!" It's moments like this when concerned viewers might get nervous about the Kardashians' pursuit of new hobbies. They seem to treat jobs more as words to yell at one another (acting! modelling! Broadway!) than crafts to commit to in hopes of mastering them. Oh well.

Khloé orders Kourtney to come with her to her first acting class, where they both immediately begin low-key mocking their fellow students. "Actors really, really take their craft way serious," Khloé tells the camera. "They keep shaking and twitching and having anxiety attacks."

After participating in an anger exercise where she lets out her pent-up emotions about Kim's ambivalent attitude towards working at the store they opened together, Khloé is a bonafide actor. When Kim asks her about the class later, Khloé just says it was "the most amazing thing ever. The scariest thing."

Kris Is a Talk Show Host

KUWTK Season 8, Episode 19

Kris' pilot season as host of her Fox talk show, Kris, was one of the few times that an on-screen career change actually happened in real life, but its legitimacy did nothing to convince Kris' daughters to be involved. After attending the taping for the first episode (in which Kris brought out her stylist's bundled up baby and led the audience to believe it was the newborn North West), Kourtney met her mother backstage and announced, in lieu of congratulations, "We just have a bunch of notes."

"Did you see the Kathie Lee Gifford episode?" Kris asks Kourtney, Khloé and Scott over dinner at a steakhouse. "Did you see the Diddy episode? Did you see the Maria Menounos episode?" she insists, with an unusual pronunciation of "Menounos."

"No, and that's not her last name," Kourtney deadpans.

The family eventually comes around to support Kris. Scott and Khloé agree to co-host a few episodes; Kim, feeling insecure about being filmed immediately after giving birth, films a video message for her mom; and Kourtney, who says she doesn't watch TV, begins DVR-ing episodes of the show.

"I love the whole talk show world," Kris gushes, "If I could dream as big as I want, I would dream to be able to get up and do this every single day." This makes it all the sadder that the show was cancelled following that initial season.

Khloe and Scott Host a Podcast

KAKTTH Season 1, Episode 6

Years after her hosting stint on Khloé After Dark ended, Khloé spends a rocky summer living with Kourtney, Scott and their kids in the Hamptons – and is offered the chance to host a show on Sirius. Keen to keep a newly sober Scott engaged and on the wagon, Khloé suggests teaming up on the air, but Kris explains to her daughter that the network's advertisers deem him to be too much of a loose cannon.

"What if I only want to do it with Scott?" Kourtney asks.

"This is a business decision, and you can't always get what you want," Kris reasons.

"Ew."

Khloé eventually tells Kris to pass on the message that Sirius can "take [their] offer and shove it up [their] own asshole," and floats the idea of recording an independent podcast instead – an idea that's preferable because they can curse and aren't at the mercy of advertisers. After they successfully record one episode in a bath, wearing bathing suits and life jackets (if the equipment falls in the tub, Scott explains, "we die; that's part of it"), Khloé puts Scott on blast because he failed to show up to her boyfriend French Montana's music video shoot. They argue until Khloé leaves the docked boat. Scott apologizes the second he learns that Khloé turned down serious Sirius money to do the podcast, and Khloé lets him know he's forgiven by saying, "Bro's before ho's. We're bro's."

Khloe Is a Radio Host

KAKTM Season 1, Episode 1

The Kardashians have spun off five secondary TV series, mostly concerning Kourtney and one of her sisters "taking" another city outside Calabasas – Kourtney and Khloé Take Miami, Kourtney and Kim Take New York, Kourtney and Kim Take Miami, Kourtney and Khloé Take the Hamptons and Khloé and Lamar. The first of these adventures sees Khloé and Kourtney relocating to Florida to open a new Dash boutique. While Kourtney is going to art classes and making out with Orange Is the New Black's Jackie Cruz in an attempt to get over her recent break-up with Scott, Khloé hosts a late-night radio show, Khloé After Dark. Within one episode, she's derailed a conversation about drugs in Miami nightclubs by pulling a vial of cocaine from her purse (she says a Dash employee found it in the store's changing room). After a mandatory drug test and a probation period – with the lingering threat of the show's permanent cancellation hanging over her head – Khloé and her co-host Terrence get back on the air for the remainder of the show's two seasons.

Kourtney and Khloe Are Social Workers

KUWTK Season 1, Episode 7 and Season 2, Episode 10

Say what you will about the Kardashians, but they mean well. It's just that sometimes there's a lot of gray space between their intentions and their actions.

"None of my customers are gonna wanna walk by this guy to come into our store," Khloé complains to Kourtney when she notices a homeless man sitting on the freeway near the front of their Calabasas boutique. Three days later, Khloé finds the same man camped out by their dumpster. She tells him to move along and he goes willingly, before her conscience gets the better of her and she takes the man home to shower and wear Caitlyn's old clothes. Khloé books a dentist appointment for Shorty, as the man dubs himself, but the moment Caitlyn brings Kendall and Kylie home from school, Khloé peaces out and lets them deal with it.

Caitlyn gives little Kendall and Kylie an after-school special moment when they ask, "How do you become homeless?" and "Will I ever be homeless?" Meanwhile, Khloé is getting her make-up done and telling Kim all about Shorty, "our homeless man that we adopted!" By episode's end, Shorty clings to Khloé as she says goodbye to him at a shelter.

A year later, in the Season 2 finale, Khloé travels to New Orleans with Kim, Kourtney and Rob as guests of Kim's then-boyfriend Reggie Bush, who is hosting a celebrity pool tournament to raise money for victims of Hurricane Katrina. "When I think of New Orleans, I think of Bourbon Street, Mardi Gras and listening to jazz," Khloé announces. While eating Beignets in the French Quarter, the family meets a teenaged fan, Marisa Cazeno, and her mom, whose home was destroyed by Katrina and who have been living in a FEMA trailer for two years. "The entire trailer is as big as my room," Kim says, as the camera pans across bunk beds covered in the family's possessions.

Despite the fact that their home is still uninhabitable, Kim decides the best course of action is not to help them pay for building costs or gift them temporary housing, but to buy furniture to fill the home they can't step foot inside.

Back home in L.A., Kim describes their New Orleans trip to the rest of the family before tying a neat bow around all of Season 2 with her closing remarks: "Being in New Orleans and experiencing what we went through and meeting this family has really helped my whole family remember that. . .at the end of the day, no matter where we are or what we're going through, we'll always have each other."

Kim Is a Pussycat Doll

KUWTK Season 3, Episode 4

"You'll be good, but if you sing I cannot attend this fiasco," Khloé announces when Kim is invited to perform with the Pussycat Dolls in Vegas. And with that blessing, Kim straps on her stilettos, climbs into a bathtub and tries to memorize her routine – only to find that her nearsightedness means she can't actually see herself or her choreographer in the mirror. Rather than practicing her moves, Kim makes an appointment to have Lasik eye surgery. The day before the performance in Vegas, Kourtney and Khloé are there in the operating room, taking photos of a doped-out Kim on their digital cameras and having a slapping fight as their sister's pupil is being sliced open. It's while rewatching early episodes like this that Kardashian fans can really get a sense of how much of Kim and her family we've been invited to see over the past decade: We've seen Kourtney pluck her baby out of her own body during labor; we've seen Khloé's ass getting lasered; we've seen Caitlyn explaining how a colonoscopy works to a grossed-out Kendall and Kylie; and, more recently, we've seen Kim enduring painful sessions of IVF in hopes of becoming pregnant. (Spoiler alert: She did!)

Kim's surgery goes off without a hitch, and within 24 hours, she emerges onstage to close out the Pussycat Dolls show, declaring she's "feeling really dirty tonight" before nailing her tub dance.

Khloe Is an Alien Hunter

KUWTK Season 8, Episode 19

In the latter half of Season 8, much of Khloé's storyline revolves around her desperately trying to either repair or distract herself from her crumbling marriage to Lamar. In this episode, she's doing a combination of the two, while simultaneously concocting one of the show's most bizarre situations ever.

Eager to bring all her children together on a family camping trip, Caitlyn throws Rob, Kendall, Kylie, Khloé, Brandon, Leah and Brody together in an RV and sets off for Nevada. But Khloé has other plans: "Kendall, Kylie, Rob and I are obsessed with aliens," she explains, and when it's Kendall's turn to drive the camper, Khloé instructs her to ignore Caitlyn's directions and head towards Area 51. Along the way she's distracted by Lamar's sporadic and emotional phone calls. "It's really scary when nothing's really working and then you know, if you give up, no one in his life would be able to help," she says, continuing the show's theme of speaking as vaguely about Lamar's situation as possible, leaving the tabloids to air all dirty laundry.

The family stops at an alien museum, then meets up with Travis Walton, who claims to have been abducted by aliens for five days in 1975, and Alejandro Rojas, an "alien expert" at Open Minds magazine who "did an article about Kendall tweeting about UFOs."

While on a night walk outside Area 51, Brandon and Brody set off fireworks as the Jenner girls declare there to be "a weird vibe." Suddenly the cameras switch to night vision as lights shine on the family and E.T.-screaming-at-Drew-Barrymore noises ring out, seemingly from nowhere. "At this point, I've accepted the fact that we're getting abducted," Kylie, who collapses into the fetal position on the ground, tells the camera. After a genuinely frightening few minutes, Brandon and Brody admit they concocted the prank! There were no aliens: The Jenner boys just roped in locals at the fireworks store to dress as aliens in the hope of terrifying their loved ones!

Kim Is a Wig Model

KUWTK Season 7, Episode 3

Knowing how difficult Kim is finding her divorce proceedings, Khloé recommends her sister finds a distraction: "You have to do some silly and outrageous and kooky things to take your mind off it." Next stop: the hair shop! (Literally, a warehouse called the Hair Shop.) "Khloé's talk inspired me to have more fun and I'm kind of obsessed with 007," Kim explains, as she stocks up on a collection of bizarre costume wigs. What follows is a series of disguises that confuse and frighten her family members.

"You're weirding me out right now," Rob says when Kim's "Southern belle" character meets him at a bookstore; "I'm really uncomfortable," Scott mutters when Kim's Russian spy character, Natasha, visits the family and terrifies Mason; "You look like mom," Kendall tells Kim when she arrives to a lunch date wearing a cropped dark wig and Alexander McQueen scarf. (To which Kim replies, "I am mom! . . .I'm gonna get you girls a record deal!")

Eventually, the flashbacks to Kim crying about the dissolution of her marriage to Kris Humphries subside as her costume therapy helps her find closure. "Role-playing and putting wigs on just helped me get out of my funk," she reasons, as one of the best ever episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians comes to a close.

Kourtney Is a Soap Actress

KUWTK Season 3, Episode 9

Even though she's never acted before, when Kourtney's agent calls with the offer of a role on One Life to Live, she doesn't hesitate. "I grew up watching One Life to Live. I don't even think twice. My immediate reaction is, 'I've gotta do this show.'" They begin speculating about her storyline. "What if you're, like, the town slore?" Kim asks, using a choice Kardashian-ism combining "slut" and "whore." "And you sleep with your husband's brother?"

Kourtney's confidence evaporates when she reads the scripts and realises her character (Kassandra Kavanough, "with two K's") has more lines than she anticipates, not to mention a kiss with her co-star. She seeks out Rob's ex-girlfriend, Adrienne Bailon, for acting advice, but Adrienne's patience wears thin when Kourtney struggles to take the most basic of rehearsal seriously.

"Why are you smiling?" Adrienne asks, as they practice being handcuffed together. "Because I feel like it's so lame," Kourtney says.

An on-set run-through doesn't go much better at first – but by the end of the one-day shoot, Kourtney has done a 360 and returned to her initial state of blind confidence. She tells Kim she's now considering acting as a career: "Now that I've done it. . .this would be a fun job to have."

Kourtney and Scott Are Art Experts

KUWTK Season 9, Episode 9

After Scott's parents pass away, Kourtney uncovers a painting at their Hamptons home. She believes it might be a heretofore-unseen Modigliani! Scott's not too interested in this idea, partly because he doesn't want to get his hopes up only to have them crushed by reality, and partly because "if it was valuable, my Jewish father. . .would've been driving around in 10 Rolls Royces."

His resistance dissipates when an art appraiser (a stately gentleman in a beret) glances at the painting and immediately believes it may be valuable based on the brush strokes, subject matter and signature: "All three are dead-on."

"It's a Modigliani," says Kourtney. "He's major. . .If it's real, our lives are changing." Now Scott's on board! He starts contemplating carpet options for the private jet he'll buy once the painting sells at auction, while Kourtney announces that she'll use the money to "feed children who cannot afford to eat."

Those children will stay hungry, unfortunately: A conservator who's had "multiple run-ins" with Modigliani breaks the news that it's not an oil painting but a watercolour on paper with a cardboard backing, both of which contain titanium dioxide – a medium that wouldn't have been used until after Modigliani's death. For now, Scott will have to stick to traveling on someone else's private jet.

Kris Is a Broadway Star

KUWTK Season 9, Episode 3

Kris Jenner is a dreamer. This we know for damn sure. "It doesn't matter if Kim or anybody else wants to laugh at me," she says after reducing Kim and her friend Jonathan Cheban to giggles after performing just one line of "All That Jazz." "If being on Broadway is my dream, then it's my dream."

After meeting the actress playing the role of Chicago's Velma Kelly during a night out in New York, Kris has decided to spend the next few days practicing Velma's signature anthem. Sadly, as she admits to Kim and Jonathan, "I don't know how the audition process actually works." So she turns to someone who does: her close friend Kathie Lee Gifford. In the end, it's not her family's doubts over her ability that hits the pause button on this dream, but rather the reality of a performer's schedule. "We did nine shows a week for five weeks," Kathie Lee, who played Annie's Miss Hannigan at Madison Square Garden, tells Kris. The camera zooms in on Khloé's mugshot, framed on Kris' desk, as Kathie Lee says, "I don't see it working with your life, sweetie." Kris agrees and returns to her momager duties, filing this one particular dream away for later.

Rob Is a Chainsaw Artist

KUWTK Season 8, Episode 13

"I've definitely never had someone tell me I'm good at chainsaw art," Rob Kardashian says after Cherie Currie (formerly of the Runaways, currently of Log Cabin wood-carving) praises his skill with a blade. "I'm obviously not Picasso or anything," he adds, "but I'm definitely up there."

After one lesson with Currie, Rob ships a chainsaw and a tarp to Khloé Kardashian and Lamar Odom's house, where he lives. Unfortunately, his noisy new hobby annoys Lamar to the point where Kourtney Kardashian has to volunteer to house Rob's chainsaw at her place instead. Khloé shares the news with Rob over lunch, and he takes it well, until she asks if he's been feeling sad lately. After all, she's discovered bags of candy wrappers in the trash and noticed that her brother rarely leaves his room. "The only reason I'm living with you is because of your husband, who asked me to," Rob retorts. In happier news, Kourtney is encouraging of Rob's new hobby, despite Scott Disick's protestations, and she gives her brother's wooden bear sculpture pride of place in her entryway.