On Monday’s Full Frontal, host Samantha Bee held a memorial for the GOP. “Last week, the Republican party, home to more than a century of great statesmen, died the way Republican president Chester A. Arthur did: Violently tearing itself in half,” Bee said. “The death throes started Thursday morning when the Republican establishment suddenly woke up and realized that Donald Trump was doing to their brand what his asshole son does to real elephants.”
The GOP’s efforts to stop Trump began with 2012 Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s long tirade slamming the mogul, a speech that did little harm to Trump’s insult-proof campaign. John McCain, the GOP’s 2008 candidate, also asked Republican voters to think hard before choosing Trump, but as Bee notes, the man responsible for unleashing Sarah Palin on the world doesn’t get to criticize other candidates.
The death knell for the GOP came during the latest Republican debate that pitted Trump against Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio (“The guy who went to prom with his mother,” Bee said) and John Kasich, “the folksy general store proprietor whose only hope of being the nominee is if the other three literally kill each other.” The debate quickly devolved into sophomoric name-calling and not-so-subtle genital-measuring.
“So this is where we are? The party of Lincoln has completed its long journey from ‘A house divided cannot stand’ to ‘You should see how yuge my pocket Donald looks when I masturbate with my totally normal-sized hands,'” Bee said.