Marco Rubio is a firm believer in American exceptionalism, so it should come as no surprise to learn that he’s preparing for tonight’s Republican debate is the most exceptionally American way possible: By tinkering with his fantasy football lineup.
In a new video released Wednesday, Rubio – who made headlines earlier this year when he drilled a kid in the face with a football while campaigning in Iowa – takes some playful jabs at his fellow GOP presidential hopefuls, or at least the ones who share last names with NFL players. As the spot opens, Rubio is talking on the phone to an unnamed strategist, laptop computer at the ready, when begins peppering the staffer with a series of questions.
“What’s the latest on Cruz? Is he in or is he out? Because I keep seeing reports here about both. What about Bush? He’s been kind of quiet this year, but you never know with this guy,” Rubio says. “You think we should look at who? Carson? Look, I know he started the year as a sleeper, but he’s really throwing the ball around lately pretty good.”
Is he talking about Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush and newly ascendant frontrunner Ben Carson? Of course not. Rather, Rubio was inquiring about potential fantasy football acquisitions Victor Cruz (the oft-injured Giants’ wide receiver), Reggie Bush (the 49ers’ running back who isn’t Carlos Hyde) and Cardinals quarterback Carson Palmer, who has thrown for 16 touchdowns already this season and has no business being on the waiver wire in any fantasy league.
“I know I have a debate tonight,” Rubio tells his staffer at the end of the video, “but I’ve gotta get this fantasy football thing right.”
Hey, it’s clever. And while we’re not sure how Rubio is doing in his actual fantasy football league, he should probably steer clear of Tom Brady – that guy’s already on Donald Trump’s team.