Thursday night’s GOP debate in Houston may be the last one that will have any kind of impact on the nomination. Super Tuesday is screaming down upon us, and the whole deal might be wrapped up at that point.
That means this may be our last chance at a pre-apocalypse laugh. The rules for this GOP debate drinking game:
TAKE A SHOT:
1. The first time (and first time only) one of the candidates compares himself to St. Ronald Reagan.
2. When Ben Carson complains that nobody’s calling on him.
3. At the phrases “Great state of Texas,” “Don’t mess with Texas,” or “Everything’s bigger in Texas.” Double if that last one comes from Trump in a suggestive tone. Triple-shot if Trump says “Everything except Marco is bigger in Texas.”
4. If Cruz mentions he’s from Texas more than five times. Take an additional shot for each time after that.
5. Every time someone jokes about Jeb Bush no longer being there. Double if the essence of the joke is that it’s hard to tell the difference.
6. When Kasich makes a speech or comment whose essence is, “Well, excuse me for being sane, but…” Drink also if a moderator calls Kasich a “moderate.”
7. When anyone calls anyone else a “liar.”
8. Whenever any of the non-Trump candidates calls him a “closet Democrat” or “not a conservative.”
9. Whenever anyone mentions Cruz’s “dirty tricks.”
10. When Carson recites lines from the Bible or the Constitution.
11. When any candidate mentions being the son/grandson of a hardworking bartender/mail carrier/housecleaner/etc. and therefore is not just a believer in the American Dream, but a product of it.
12. Whenever Trump mocks someone’s poll numbers.
Players may want to make side-bets as to what happens more often: Cruz reminding the audience that he’s Texan, or Trump reminding them that Cruz is from Canada. We can have a bonus shot if Cruz mentions his Texan-ness only to have Trump immediately call him a Canadian Texan.
Lastly, I propose we create a toast in honor of the recently fallen. Instead of saying “Cheers” or “Prost,” we might say, before drinking, “Chris Christie was a federal prosecutor.”