Of Course Donald Trump Is a Terrible Christian

Pope Francis really stepped in it Thursday, didn’t he, getting all judgy about whether Donald Trump is a Christian. Who is he to say whether someone is a good Christian or not, the po — oh, right.

In Trump’s case, it doesn’t take a pope to know he’s a terrible Christian. I’m Jewish, and don’t believe in God, and even I feel confident saying it is so.

There are lots of flavors of Christianity and plenty of garnishes and sauces you can add or subtract to your worship. Wars over petty differences have shed countless gallons of blood. There are Christians who happily drive their daughters to the abortion clinic, and Christians who kick their sons out of the house for being gay.

But there a few basics — some bare-minimum standards — you should meet if you want to use the label “Christian,” especially if you want to call yourself (as Trump has) an evangelical.

There are the doctrinal requirements, of course: You’ve got to believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ. We can’t know whether Trump believes that in his heart of hearts. But you should at least make some kind of minimal head-fake toward following Jesus’ actual teachings if you want to call yourself a Christian, right? You should be a little humble, a little decent, a little concerned with the plight of your fellow man?

Donald Trump is a black hole of humility; no self-deprecating thought can escape the gravitational pull of the delusion he has built for himself. Remember when he attacked Carly Fiorina’s appearance? He believes he is physically attractive enough to insult Carly Fiorina’s appearance. “Why do I have to repent or ask for forgiveness,” he once asked, “if I am not making mistakes?” (His first two wives might disagree.)

As for whether Trump is at all decent: He hasn’t been caught on tape kicking puppies or telling small children Santa isn’t real. He seems to love his kids, even if he’s super creepy about it sometimes. But that’s bare-minimum-to-be-called-human decency, not the stuff that Jesus preached in the Sermon on the Mount.

“Blessed are those who are persecuted,” said Jesus; Trump wants to deport 11 million immigrants, gleefully breaking up families.