An event of cataclysmic proportions has captured the attention of Fox News. Something so egregious, horror-inducing, and shocking that it has even prompted the network to deprioritize coverage of an attempted coup in Brazil. Sensitive readers please close this article now: The girl M&M’s got their own publicity campaign.
I know. Absurd.
Mars Wrigley is featuring their delectable chocolate mamasitas on new limited-edition “Flipping the Status Quo” packages. The company even introduced a new purple M&M (she’s really cute). A portion of proceeds from the campaign will benefit two nonprofits dedicated to supporting women in the music industry: She Is the Music and We Are Moving the Needle.
Fox News is apoplectic.First, they de-slut the green M&M. Now, they want to shove candy-coated femininity down our throats? What if China is behind this sinister attempt to convince viewers that the gender of a candy mascot has real-world implications? No ma’am, it must be stopped.
“When you look at the package, the women are upside down,” said Harris Faulkner on Outnumbered, a show whose literal premise is having female commentators outnumber a male guest. “And I understand ‘flipped’ but thank you very much we stand on our own, we don’t need to be shown upside-down on a package looking crazy.” Note to readers: you will not transform into an upside down anthropomorphic M&M if you consume the new purple M&M. Or maybe you will. We don’t know, we’re not doctors.
Earlier in the day on her own show, Faulkner accused M&M’s of going “woke.”
“If this is what you need for validation … then I’m worried about you,” said guest-host Martha MacCallum on Outnumbered. “I think this is the kind of thing that makes China say, ‘Oh good, keep focusing on that, keep focusing on giving people their own color M&M’s while we take over all the mineral deposits in the entire world.”
Contributor Lisa Booth voiced her agreement. “China is also pushing all this through TikTok,” she said.
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The hysteria over M&M’s new marketing campaign comes as Fox News has largely eschewed covering the right-wing riot in Brazil on Sunday, which saw a crowd of election conspiracy-fueled supporters of former Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro storm several federal buildings in the capital city of Brasilia. A review of transcripts by Rolling Stone found that Fox News did not mention the riot for several hours, between 9:30 a.m. and 1:00 p.m.
After bashing the lady M&M’s, the hosts of Outnumbered moved onto coverage of a comic featuring a pregnant Joker from the Batman series.