One possible reaction to the the first Republican presidential debate earlier this month was to laugh to keep from crying. The proceedings had plenty to spark a depressed chuckle, but now Bad Lip Reading has turned the candidates’ actually horrifying nonsense into legitimately hilarious nonsense.
The clip starts strong with Mike Huckabee complimenting moderator Bret Baier’s “pretty gelled head,” and follows with an intense argument between Chris Christie and Rand Paul. As the New Jersey governor struggled to assert his love of regular potatoes, the Kentucky senator berated him with accusations that he not only froze a baby, but touched a genital wart.
Elsewhere, Donald Trump spoke of his pet pigeon — aptly named Lucas Don Velour — and battled indigestion brought on by a tuna sandwich. Ben Carson was caught working on a puzzle at his podium, and good ol’ Ted Cruz assured voters he would “collect a dead swan” and “drink a sorority’s goldfish.”
The clip’s real highlights though were the final closing statements — all delivered as short songs. Christie opened with a powerful ballad about young lovers playing hooky and committing hit and runs, while Cruz followed with a playful ditty in which he promised to “dance in that little paper hat you bought me.”
Ohio Governor John Kasich delivered a thoughtful Eighties pop jam about warding off yet another British invasion by giving the “Redcoats cheese and Christmas pants,” and Trump’s cool jazz tune found him scatting and warning voters, again, to stay away from the tuna. Despite his earlier puzzle gaffe, Carson finished strong with a rousing number about small mouse appendages that brought the crowd to its feet and — as the clip notes — became “the best-selling single in the history of Presidential debates.”
At least Carson can add that one notch to his “Win” column.