“Pope Francis met secretly in Washington last week with Kim Davis, the county clerk in Kentucky who defied a court order to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, her lawyer said in a telephone interview Tuesday night,” the New York Times reported Wednesday morning.
“Francis gave her rosaries and told her to ‘stay strong,’ the lawyer said.”
The meeting, which was confirmed by the Vatican, happened behind closed doors, so we can’t be certain what they discussed. But we can guess. Here are 10 things Davis for sure maybe probably told His Holiness.
1. “I’m so honored to meet you, Pope Benedict!”
2. “I’m glad we agree marriage should only be between one man and one woman. Or one woman and three men. Four times.”
3. “Not that I’m opposed to a fifth go-round if I meet the right guy.” [Places hand on pope’s thigh.]
4. “I can put in a good word with Sean Hannity if you ever want to go on Fox.”
5. “What do you mean you’ve never heard of Mike Huckabee? He’s like the pope, but for America.”
6. “You’re in America now. Speak English.”
7. “I can never remember that part of the Bible where it says the gays did climate change. Do you know it off the top of your head?”
8. “You know what else we have in common? We both wear the same outfit every day.”
9. “I’m about to cash in big time. Lecture circuit, reality TV, book deal, the whole enchilada. How much does this pope gig pay?”
10. “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?”