10 Biggest Sports Controversies of 2014 - Rolling Stone
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10 Biggest Sports Controversies of 2014

From MLB analysts espousing creationism to Roger Goodell’s continued existence, this list really could have gone to 30

Sports Controversies

Sports Controversies

Sports Controversies

There are two kinds of sports controversies, and only one of them is good.

There are the performance-related controversies, and these are fun. Quarterback controversy? Heck yeah, bring that on, especially if it involves a team I don't root for. Manager hates the GM? Even better. I love it when the baseball team has opposing goals. I hope your quinquagenarian sunflower-seed-chewer in a jersey benches your most promising players all year in favor of hamstring-snapping veterans with a decade of chaw juice accreted in their gray beards.

Then there are the other controversies, like when teams may be staffed by (or with) criminals. Or maybe even a whole league. There is not an image macro of an animal saying "DO NOT WANT" big enough for this. This is because, as a rule, most people watch sports to be entertained. We prefer to kid ourselves that sports are an unreal phenomenon, untarnished by the real world. Sports are meant to distract us from it, not reinforce just how annihilatingly awful it is day in and day out.

This was not a good year for the hermetic escapism of sports. Instead, it might be the worst case of the real world intruding on entertainment in modern sports history. To prevent all of us from walking into the sea with pockets full of stones, my list of the worst sports controversies of 2014 has been condensed to a psychically manageable 10. It could have been 30. It could have been 10 from the NFL alone. There is no reason to stop counting aside from a stubborn tendency for mankind to cling to hope.

Curt Schilling

Former Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling looks on after being introduced as a new member of the Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame before the baseball game between the Boston Red Sox and the Minnesota Twins at Fenway Park in Boston Friday, Aug. 3, 2012. (AP Photo/Winslow Townson)

Winslow Townson/Getty


Keith Law and Curt Schilling’s Ontological Twitter Debate

In November, ESPN baseball writer Keith Law challenged ESPN baseball troglodyte Curt Schilling in a series of tweets. By the time Law jumped in, Schill was 30 minutes into a truly sub-middle-school monologue about the revealed truth of the Bible and complete bankruptcy of the theory of evolution. ("Creation is factual! Why aren't we evolving into GHOSTS right now???") You could imagine Schill folding his arms in self-satisfaction after every tweet, like, "Ahaha, argue your way out of that, libturd."

Schill was able to call readers "clown" in the midst of an idiot jag, while Law was suspended from Twitter for being testy with him. Their debate doesn't matter. What matters is that ESPN is slavishly committed to perpetuating the cult of the athlete-expert, irrespective of whether their contributions to sports analysis could be expressed by the fraction "diddly/fuck." 

Curt Schilling is a person who starts talking and sends you to the kitchen for a snack. But he's also a jock, and ESPN has dedicated itself to having as many jocks on their news panels as possible, even if their jock shtick presents an impediment to understanding anything. Keith Law pointing out – even gently – that Curt Schilling is wrong punctures the aura of authority that the Worldwide Leader wants to radiate from every one of the contributors they pay too much for. ESPN has a network-wide commitment to letting people like Curt Schilling be as wrong as they want and restricting people like Keith Law from being right if that exposes a contradiction. This is their bed, and they will smother all of us in it.

Dennis Rodman

-- AFP PICTURES OF THE YEAR 2013 -- ---EDITORS NOTE--RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE - MANDATORY CREDIT "AFP PHOTO / KCNA" - NO MARKETING NO ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS - DISTRIBUTED AS A SERVICE TO CLIENTS This photo taken on February 28, 2013 and released by North Korea's official Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) on March 1, 2013 shows North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un (front L) and former NBA star Dennis Rodman (front R) speaking at a basketball game in Pyongyang. Flamboyant former NBA star Dennis Rodman has become the most high-profile American to meet the new leader of North Korea, vowing eternal friendship with Kim Jong-Un at a basketball game in Pyongyang. AFP PHOTO / KCNA KCNA/AFP/Getty Images (Newscom TagID: afplivefive461896.jpg) [Photo via Newscom]



Dennis Rodman, Useful Idiot Abroad

Sticking with former athletes who trumpet bad opinions, let's follow Dennis Rodman to the Hermit Kingdom of North Korea, where up to a quarter-million people are in prison and detention camps and regularly tortured while the free citizens are allowed to starve to death under the lights of glorious Juche

Look, this has nothing to do with Kim Jong-un's elite ColecoVision Hack Squad canceling a recent Sony Pictures weed flick. Good riddance. Seth Rogen is a genuinely funny man, but the sooner all traces of James Franco's starring vehicles are wiped from the earth – regardless of whether it's at the hands of a jumpsuited famine regime – the better. The fact is, North Korea is so awful that screwing up the launch plans for two smokeout buddies' celluloid circle-jerk can't possibly increase its awfulness.

Which brings us to Rodman. It doesn't matter if you are a celebrity pimple on a far bigger cancerous phenomenon: When you train the DPRK basketball team and breathily sing "Happy Birthday" to Kim Jong-un, you are part of the problem. Rodman has insisted that Kim is misunderstood, and that's great. It's also reminiscent of when Drew Brees shot his mouth off about Guantanamo Bay after a guided tour by U.S. authorities: "The worst thing we can do is shut that baby down. . .[T]hose detainees over there. . .they are being treated probably 10 times better than any prisoner in a U.S. prison." Whoops. When you're being given a guided prison tour by its administrator, you are being lied to about its conditions. You have no idea what is actually going on, and you are only mainstreaming false data that makes things worse. Even if everyone assumes that you can't possibly rank higher than an uninformed boob on the issue, every time you open your mouth you are getting clowned by reality.

Brady Hoke

EVANSTON IL - NOVEMBER 08: Head coach Brady Hoke of the Michigan Wolverines watches his team warm up before the game against the Northwestern Wildcats on November 8, 2014 at Ryan Field in Evanston, Illinois. (Photo by David Banks/Getty Images)

David Banks


Brady Hoke Tries, Fails to March Player to His Death

In a game this September, Minnesota defensive lineman Theiren Cockran all but knocked out Michigan quarterback Shane Morris with a tackle that looked like targeting. The crown of Cockran's helmet speared almost straight into the underside of Morris' facemask, but those details, tough as they are to watch, are almost immaterial compared to the fact that Michigan head coach Brady Hoke left Morris in the game

Morris reeled around the field, legs jellied like a fighter whose central nervous system hasn't registered the last hit that made him effectively unconscious. Even the ESPN announcers – a tribe of people for whom violence was once greeted with giddy cries of "JACKED UP!" – were appalled. Mike Patrick and Ed Cunningham castigated Hoke at length. Worst of all, when challenged on his decision, Hoke passed the buck, claiming that sending Morris back on the field was the work of athletic trainers and that he doesn't make decisions about head trauma.

Hoke was fired. No, not then. Not in terms of being a shitty coach who risked permanent injury to the cerebral function of Shane Morris. He was fired three months later, for being shitty at winning football games. Because the ugly corollary to Patrick and Cunningham's outrage is that football fans and athletic directors and analysts will second-guess and often try to excuse anything if it's done by a genius. The more successful a coach is, the more things they can break. Calling out Brady Hoke for doing something stupid was easy, because Brady Hoke is stupid. On the other hand, Nick Saban and Jimbo Fisher could probably ring the playing field with gibbets, and Chris Fowler would say, "Look, these guys gotta have their reasons."


RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - JULY 13: Anti-World Cup demonstrators hold banners at a rally near the Maracanã stadium before the World Cup final soccer match at the Saens Pena square in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil on July 13, 2014. (Photo by Carlos Becerra/Anadolu Agency/Getty Images)

Anadolu Agency/Getty


Lavish World-Stage Profiteering: Sochi and the Brazil World Cup

From nearly opposite sides of the world came two of the most grotesque boondoggles to ever exclusively benefit assholes. Mainstream coverage of both events followed typically shallow patterns. To hear many journalists tell it on Twitter, the greatest of all injustices were their own inconveniences on a trip to an exotic part of the world paid for by their employers. In Brazil, they had to get on a plane flight that was too long to go from Rio to Manaus. In Russia, their toilet seats were backward. For God's sake, that meant all of them had to shit in reverse. These people should have shot by riot police with bullets made of ingratitude.

Meanwhile, in Russia, the Duma and Vladimir Putin created laws that jailed foreign tourists for two weeks for being gay or even divulging their orientation to Russian citizens. Citizens fared worse, facing laws that criminalized "propaganda" of gay lifestyles, a distinction so ambiguous that virtually any non-negative communication about gay lifestyles could qualify as illegal – from kissing on the street, to debating in a cafe, to discussion online. But Putin has usually enjoyed a free hand in whatever autocratic hobby he's enjoyed so long as he's greased his buddies. And he did, with a cost overrun for Sochi at over four times the original estimate culminating in the most expensive Winter Olympics ever, at $51 billion. Enjoy this brutal litany of money quotes from Dave Zirin at The Nation:

"Industrialists Arkady and Boris Rotenberg, childhood friends of Putin's, have received twenty-one government contracts, worth a total of $7.4 billion. That's more than the entire cost of the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. A different project, a thirty-one-mile railway project from the coastal Olympic village in Sochi to the one in the mountains, will cost a staggering $8.7 billion."

Then, across the globe, you had $15 billion spent on Brazil's World Cup, which went to stuff like constructing a stadium in Manaus, in the middle of a rainforest, where there isn't a local soccer audience that can fill it for any other event. Someone later suggested using it as a prisoner-processing site, which is historically as good a look in South America, freedom-wise, as a poster of a leader named "Colonel" and wearing epaulettes. The echoes felt less welcome considering the heavily militarized Brazilian police squelching demonstrations all through the Cup, perhaps in response to the more than one million demonstrators the year before or the fact that entire favelas were leveled to build stadiums and parking lots. Instead, despite Brazil's attempts to reverse its levels of income inequality and corruption, its citizens witnessed billions diverted from social welfare programs toward a swamp stadium where athletes' legs cramped into knots. And as host of the 2016 Olympics, they get to spend the same amount of money again, if not more!

Kobe Bryant

David Sherman/NBA/Getty


Kobe Bryant and Everything About the Lakers

At the start of the season, ESPN's Henry Abbott upended a bucket of Haterade on Kobe Bryant. His ESPN: The Magazine piece dropped numerous anonymous quotes from NBA agents claiming that the reason many premiere free agents have avoided the Lakers for the last few years is that no one is willing to tolerate Kobe's galactic assholedom. Bottom line: his talent-to-fuckheadedness ratio has plummeted past the point of institutional viability. And while that may not be 100 percent correct – plenty of high-value free agents have had personal reasons for signing elsewhere – Jeet Christ, does it ever feel right.

Whether the Lakers' lack of a supporting cast can be put down to Kobe, the team has further suffered injuries and a headlong collision with coach Byron Scott's decision to play a brand of basketball fresh out of a quarter century ago. In a preseason interview, he applauded the team's shooting 10-15 three-pointers per game and generating a high foul count by physically contesting everything to the point of absurdity. This not only projected to be statistically stupid, it's really paying off. The Lakers are last in the league in opponent points, tied for 22nd in 3-point attempts, and 24th in field goal percentage. And, sure, some of that is due to injuries, but a lot of it is what happens when you do the NBA equivalent of Joe Girardi saying, "I want everyone in the lineup to bunt once per game." To which Kobe Bryant has responded in the Kobe-est manner of all, launching a truly spectacular number of bricks, because at least when Kobe is shooting the ball, Kobe can be seen shooting the ball: He's currently 119th in the league in field-goal percentage.

Alex Rodriguez

CHARLESTON, SC - JULY 02: Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankess runs to first base during his game for the Charleston RiverDogs at Joseph P. Riley Jr. Park on July 2, 2013 in Charleston, South Carolina. (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)

Streeter Lecka/Getty Images


For the Children to Live, A-Rod Must Be Destroyed

Let us be under no illusions: Baseball is a cartel run by a criminal who, as the owner of the Milwaukee Brewers, colluded with fellow owners to fix player salaries, then was rewarded by them with oversight of the entire league. These same owners profited handsomely from the offensive explosion of the mid-1990s and early 2000s, and unless they were having their toupees applied to their heads by a pneumatic nail gun, were fully aware of the chemical enhancements that drove revenues up. To date, not a single one has been censured or fined for profiting from, or giving safe haven to known cheaters. Funnily enough, this doesn't prompt nearly as many hand-wringing op-eds or special pleading in the comments section about what am I supposed to tell my kids???

Alex Rodriguez sure has been penalized, though. He was ultimately suspended for an entire year for taking PEDs. Well, not so much taking them, as there still isn't a shred of physical evidence for it. Instead he was suspended because someone said he took them. That someone was Biogenesis founder Tony Bosch, and what an unimpeachable witness he was. All Major League Baseball did for him was interfere with a federal investigation targeting him, sabotage it by knowingly purchasing stolen evidence against him, threaten to sue him out of existence – then, as soon as he offered to testify against A-Rod, indemnify him against further suits and offer to pay all his legal bills. The people who testified against the West Memphis Three had more credibility than Tony.

A-Rod presented an ideal target for a clutch of profiteers looking to indemnify themselves from the crooked system they engineered and spurred on for a decade. He always stoked resentment for the effortless grace of his talent, his selfish need to increase it beyond the already superhuman and his school-yard unctuousness about being applauded and seen as likable. All of his oddities – the alleged centaur thing, for instance – would have been fine in a give-no-fuck superstar who acted as if rules of human behavior didn't apply to him. But A-Rod's desperation was the final nail in the coffin of his loathsome oddness: He made the mistake of being better than everyone, then seeking our approval, confirming that we have a right to sit in judgment of him.

And so judged has A-Rod been. Thanks to the testimony of someone Lennie Briscoe would threaten to slap around for being a bad liar (and even Jack McCoy would deem unethical to put on the stand,) A-Rod was suspended for a year to save the game. He was suspended by people interfering with the justice system and applying standards that would be rejected by the justice system. He has been shamed by an organization with a ripe history of institutional racism, labor predation and selectively tolerated competitive disadvantages, a century-long criminal conspiracy wagging its finger at anything beneath it in hopes you'll look away. Thank God we have something to tell the kids.

Donald Sterling

Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling attends the NBA playoff game between the Clippers and the Golden State Warriors on April 21, 2014 at Staples Center in Los Angeles, California. The NBA banned Sterling for life for "deeply offensive and harmful" racist comments that sparked a national firestorm. NBA Commissioner Adam Silver hit Sterling with every penalty at his disposal, fining him a maximum $2.5 million dollars and calling on other owners to force him to sell his team. AFP PHOTO / ROBYN BECK (Photo credit should read ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images)

Robyn Beck/Getty


Donald Sterling: From Current to Former NBA Owner

Evidently, everyone can know you're a racist, misogynist, breathtakingly evil slumlord and let you get away with it for yearsunless you say something on a recording that insults a superstar too beloved for the press to ignore. Then you get banned for life and make at least one billion dollars.


EVANSTON, IL - NOVEMBER 29: Justin Jackson #28 of the Northwestern Wildcats (R) celebrates with his teammates after a touchdown against the Illinois Fighting Illini on November 29, 2014 at Ryan Field in Evanston, Illinois. The Illinois Fighting Illini defeated the Northwestern Wildcats 47-33. (Photo by David Banks/Getty Images)

David Banks/Getty


The NCAA’s Lingering Patina of Amateurism Gets Shredded

A good rule of thumb when you're a white person: any analogy you want to employ between something you deplore and slavery is an outstandingly bad idea. The exceptions, though – those tend to stick out. Like when civil rights movement historian Taylor Branch wrote three years ago: "To survey the scene – corporations and universities enriching themselves on the backs of uncompensated young men, whose status as 'student-athletes' deprives them of the right to due process guaranteed by the Constitution – is to catch an unmistakable whiff of the plantation."

Branch's piece should have been the last word on the matter, but that's not how the NCAA plays. The same people who brought you the BCS system are going to just know better until it hurts everyone. So it was heartening to see three developments this year.

First, the "student athletes" at Northwestern University voted on whether to unionize. Those votes have been locked pending a National Labor Relations Board appeal by the university, but a regional NLRB director has already ruled that Northwestern students on football scholarships are employees and thus able to vote for union representation. Second, the NCAA granted the "Power Five" conferences wider latitude in offering larger scholarship compensation for students. It was a last-ditch concession to keep the NCAA together; without the Power Five, the NCAA becomes a competitive and economic irrelevancy. Third, in ruling on O'Bannon v. NCAA, a federal judge declared that college athletes must be compensated for the use of their likenesses.

The link to all these stories is money, the animating principle of the NCAA typically buried under empty nostalgic appeals to "amateurism" other platitudinous bullshit. The NCAA's argument has always been that the only people to be tarnished by a billion-dollar entertainment complex are the actual laborers that provide the only reason to watch it. Anyone else can walk around with briefcases full of cash, unblemished by any tendency toward moral compromise. Besides, in addition to perhaps lifetimes of permanent injury, those kids get a free education that they're strongly encouraged to ignore in favor of practice time, reading the playbook and strength-and-conditioning training!

But all these events clarify the underlying issues beautifully. Northwestern University's objection to player unionization has been championed by the sorts of conservatives who hate all worker empowerment, and the school has echoed the same talking points. Capital is implicitly good: It is only bad when control of it is ceded by management. The same goes for the O'Bannon ruling: Problems only arise when someone other than the NCAA might be bundling likenesses and shopping them to EA Games. And the NCAA's concessions to the Power Five conferences recognize that college athletics are, above all, a marketplace. Their principles about equal student opportunities and level amateur playing fields crumpled instantly as soon as five other management structures threatened to take their capital and walk.

The NCAA was always cynical and ugly, and being surprised by any of this signifies you haven't been paying attention. What's fun to see is that, as soon as the NCAA was challenged on its own terms, it fought back in as naked and mercenary a manner as possible – like someone objecting to being called a drunk by projectile vomiting a response.

Jameis Winston

CHARLOTTE, NC - DECEMBER 06: Jameis Winston #5 of the Florida State Seminoles avoids a sack by Shaun Kagawa #44 of the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets during the Atlantic Coast Conference championship game on December 6, 2014 in Greenville, North Carolina. Florida State won 37-35. (Photo by Grant Halverson/Getty Images)

Grant Halverson/Getty


The Year of FSU Football

Florida State's year of controversy actually began in December 2012, when quarterback Jameis Winston allegedly raped a fellow student. And here, in many cases, is where the narrative of that night begins and ends, because, as a New York Times piece on the subsequent investigation states, "There was virtually no investigation at all." At the time, Winston wasn't interviewed, and his DNA wasn't collected. The officer in charge of the investigation didn't pursue potential video evidence, and it later emerged that he moonlighted for the Seminole Boosters. (Two university employees told me they believed the Boosters were handling all of Winston's legal fees.) Perhaps worst of all, the victim in question was told that Tallahassee "is a big football town" and that "she would be raked over the coals" if she pressed charges.

"Big football town" is an understatement. FSU is the heart of Tallahassee, and generations of fans and alumni find reasons never to leave, intensifying the dedication to the school through decades. Unlike Miami, there are no other good distractions; Tallahassee is landlocked and dreadfully dull. Unlike Gainesville, it's not so dull that people immediately flee upon graduation; the seat of state government gives people reasons to stay for entire careers. Even by Florida football standards, it's a little nuts. There's a cemetery for sod taken from fields where FSU has won critical away games.

"Raked over the coals" is an understatement, too. After being doxxed by Winston's attorney, the victim's appearance and character has been truly befouled as only the Internet can. The fact that she dated a football player only proved that she was a cleat-chaser who couldn't possibly have been raped and must have been asking for it. Naturally she was trying to become rich and famous for being raped, because that's a thing women do, and that's a thing that happens afterward. She was drinking earlier in the evening and even being social with Winston. No woman has ever been raped by someone they knew or drank with.

Years ago, I worked as a legal videographer in Florida and lost count of the number of attorneys who would brag to me about being in X, Y or Z team's Rolodex as a person to call to make a problem go away. (A problem might be Jameis Winston's shoplifting crab legs, a stupid act of athlete entitlement that says nothing about him because it could be the act of any athlete at any big FBS school.) Most of those guys were full of shit, but every program has several versions of that guy. Their jobs are to disappear issues that people can engage, because they know that every program's fanbase will do the work of pardoning it.

On the thoughtful side, that can take the form of one father of a female FSU student being hesitant to judge Jameis Winston because he didn't feel he had enough facts. And that is the point. On the nasty side, partisan Internet hangouts trashing Winston's accuser will still bang away about Cam Newton's stolen laptop or Aaron Hernandez potentially "getting away with murder" in Gainesville, and none of them – not once – will ask how they would react if the same set of accusations leveled against Winston were leveled against a quarterback at Alabama, Auburn, Florida or LSU. And that is also the point.

That's the gift of not knowing, and that's why the year of FSU football has been as hysteric and awful as it has. Because it's easy to perceive yourself as the victim in the absence of any real reckoning with data. The problem can be ESPN's bias or national media hatchet men or disingenuous smear artists from other fanbases. And if there is no crime, there is no fan or citizen complicity in its cover-up to feel contrition for. You can exist in a tone-deaf wasteland, one surpassing all in its preposterousness. To paraphrase heavily from a complaint made by Buzzfeed's excellent Joel D. Anderson on Twitter: Nothing describes the insane corrupting power of big-time college football like a black athlete being accused of raping a white woman in the capital of a former state of the Confederacy, and – contrary to centuries of history telling us what happens next – the levers of both the city and university justice system bending to preserve him from scrutiny.

Roger Goodell

DETROIT, MI - NOVEMBER 24: NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell meets fans on the field before a game between the New York Jets and Buffalo Bills at Ford Field on November 24, 2014 in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Jamie Sabau/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Roger Goodell

Jamie Sabau/Getty


The NFL. All of It.

At the beginning of the season, it was easy enough to question whether the NFL was inherently evil while believing that the quality of play – the unmediated balletic moments where skill clashes with skill to produce an unscripted glimpse of sublime human possibility – could transcend a sick feeling in the soul. Give credit to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. He is a man of certitude. He erases all doubt.

Roger Goodell wants his rule to be unambiguous, and in doing so he has obliterated the tiny bargains we make with ourselves to keep watching. It is bad enough to wonder if, during every lineman collision on every down, a man is Swiss-cheesing his brain. It is worse to know that man's unaccountable overlord has legislated against big cosmetic hits while ignoring the subconcussive regular impacts that appear to do the most damage; that he previously wanted to expand the season to 18 games, expanding the toll on bodies and minds; and that he hailed the full Thursday night schedule, where players have less time to physically recover from the previous Sunday's game. It is worse to know that that same supreme authority buckles before the whims of unregenerate assholes like this guy and this guy and this guy while declaiming his actions as supremely moral. 

By now, Roger Goodell has told so many stories about seeking the seen-or-unseen tape of Ray Rice beating his then-fiancée Janay in an elevator that it's easy to believe he's either a thundering incompetent or an evil sycophant who's improbably become an oleaginous toady for the brand he ostensibly commands. But, really, why can't it be both? 

Roger Goodell is paid an average of $37 million per year to make his suits look less empty and have less institutional gravitas than Steve Sabol, who's been dead for 27 months. If you remade Titanic tomorrow, there would be a five-minute scene of Roger Goodell urging everyone to pile all the lifeboats in the stern as a counterweight to get the front of the boat to "sink up."

Yet, at the same time, there is such contempt to the subjects of his boobery that it verges on malice. Goodell initially gave Ray Rice a two-week suspension because Janay Rice being knocked out was a problem. Not in the sense that domestic abuse is a problem; it was neither perceived as such historically nor contemporaneously. Janay Rice became a problem in the sense of something that needs to go away – a problem that Visa, McDonald's, Pepsi and Budweiser ultimately noticed, a problem that suddenly, keenly had to be fungible. The sclerotic brains and palsied bodies of people wrecked by the brand Goodell serves are things to be dimmed by the bright shining faces of kids playing for 60 minutes a day and learning to tackle the new NFL way. And domestic violence is now an opportunity to vastly expand Goodell's moral authority beyond the players' union – to discipline and punish conduct unilaterally via a self-created, unchallenged "justice" system. 

There is no perfect image for such a horrific blend of incompetence, greed and contempt for people's well being. There is no one real movie or one character that depicts the vastness of Roger Goodell's stupid hatefulness and hateful stupidity. Roger Goodell isn't Larry or Moe or Curly: he's all three, knocking the frail widow over the bannister with a rug he's rolled all her silver up in, and smiling because it's such a beautiful day. Heck, let's play two.

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