Sucking Up to Voters: A Guide for Presidential Candidates

Obama (N/A)

Romney

Do
• imply Obama isn't a real American, without actually saying it; this works: "I just don't think the president understands America"
• emphasize your hard-right positions on gay marriage, abortion, stem cell research, etc.
• say you’ll work to "enhance access and opportunities for Americans to hunt, shoot, and protect their families" with guns
• promise you'll pick right-wingers like Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas for the Supreme Court
• Repeat the word "America" ad nauseam; as in, "I love America"

Don’t
• remind people you used to be a Massachusetts moderate
• fess up that, yeah, Obamacare is pretty much indistinguishable from Romneycare
• say stuff like "I’m not going to set my hair on fire" to rile up the base
• be so squeamish about calling Obama a socialist ("big-spending liberal" won't cut it)
• don't say "Mormon"