Watch Larry David Weigh Bald Vs. Old Insults on 'Kimmel' - Rolling Stone
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Watch Larry David Weigh Bald Vs. Old Insults on ‘Kimmel’

‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ mastermind discusses his best, worst qualities, mutual hatred of people, animals

Larry David discussed the drastic changes coming to Curb Your Enthusiasm as the show prepares for its first new season since 2011. On Jimmy Kimmel Live, David cracked that the biggest difference was the way his cast mates insulted him.

“Now, instead of a ‘bald bastard’ they’re calling me an ‘old bastard!” David said. “And the ‘bald bastard’ used to make me laugh, but the ‘old bastard,’ oh God no, I didn’t like that at all … Boy, do I miss being called bald.”

David joked that his ability to accept his baldness was one of his undeniably good qualities. When Kimmel asked David what his best qualities were, the comedian said he was a great person to breakup with and a terrific mourner. As for his worst quality: “Not good in hospitals,” David said. “Terrible visitor, because I can’t hide the pity. They see through the pity. If they didn’t know they were dying before I got there, they know once they look at my face.”

Kimmel also asked David about his relationship with animals, as the show’s next guest was animal trainer Dave Salmoni. While David said he would stick around for the segment, he first took the opportunity to express his consternation. “I hate [animals] almost as much as I hate people,” David joked. “I’m neither an animal person, I’m not a people person – and very few of us are neither, by the way. It’s like two percent.”

When Salmoni walked onstage with a baby mountain lion, David headed for the exit. But he stuck around long enough for a quick bit in which he attempted to play chess with a vulture. David waited for the bird until his patience ran out. “Your move, asshole.”


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