The NBA Playoffs: Peter Matthew Bauer on Roy Hibbert and Harry Nilsson

Peter Matthew Bauer is a former member of the Walkmen. His debut solo album, Liberation!, is out June 24th on Mexican Summer. In the meantime, he has agreed to write about the NBA playoffs for Rolling Stone. Here, he breaks down the second-round matchups and tells an amusing anecdote. 

Kevin Durant: Destroyer of Worlds

Qualifications: Allen Iverson and Chris Webber enthusiast, J.V. basketball for three years in high school, my wife’s family wears only Kentucky blue, once hung out with Matt “Red Mamba” Bonner, family friend of former 76ers/Celtics/Pacers coach Jim O’Brien.

An Anecdote: Coach O’Brien, some of his coaching friends and myself are sitting around a swimming pool. He’s just returned from Greece and says “Man, there were a lot of dirtbags in Greece.” Then he looks over at me and says “Hey Pete, you ever been to Greece?” Then everybody laughs at me.

Also I played the guitar solo to “Glory Days” in front of Jim and Rick Pitino at my friend’s wedding.

Washington Wizards vs. Indiana Pacers: Being from the District of Columbia and having seen John Wall’s first practice at the University of Kentucky in person, there’s only one choice to make here: Les Boulez in 7. As far as European centers go, Marcin Gortat is no Gheorghe Muresan, and when it comes to flawed backup point guards, there is no one here to hold a candle to Doug Overton (sorry Andre Miller, you can dribble in both directions), still, I’m really starting to dig this team. Having said that, everyone is giving Roy Hibbert a hard time but I feel bad for him. He’s 27 years old. When I was his age, I thought making a Harry Nilsson cover record was a really great idea.

Miami Heat vs. Brooklyn Nets: Miami/Brooklyn was what everybody wanted to see last summer. Turns out it’s going to be totally boring and Miami sweeps in three games. They don’t even play the fourth game it’s so bad. Adam Silver bans Brooklyn for life. Joe Jesus is a really great nickname though.

San Antonio Spurs vs. Portland Trail Blazers: In a rather shocking development, the Red Mamba scores 37 points in Game 5, dunks on LaMarcus Aldridge in overtime and San Antonio is in the conference finals, leading me to tell everyone that “I know that dude” and that he also “likes indie rock.”

Los Angeles Clippers vs. Oklahoma City Thunder: This series would be really different if only people had never said that clown Sam Presti was some kind of boy genius a few years ago. It sure would have been a ton of fun if James Harden was still playing instead of the clown they traded him for (actually I think they cut that clown already). Actually, you know what would be even more fun? If Clay Bennett never bought the Thunder and Game 1 was in Seattle. Having said that, Clippers in 6. Jamal Crawford wins two games by himself.