The Lonesome Death of ‘American Idol’
American Idol has a lot in common with the country it’s named after — a swift rise, fueled by lofty populist ideals and naked aggression, world conquest, such giddy heights, then the tragic skid into despair and and it’s all somehow Fox’s fault. The end of the Idol empire should have been a much bigger deal. It should have been an event. But instead, last night’s farewell episode just kind of dribbled away, like the final season overall. “Let’s do a Bowie tribute, except instead of Adam Lambert or Fantasia, we’ll have five folkie bros with matching acoustic guitars bore the living fucklights out of us all” — yeah, that’s the kind of brainstorm that might help explain why Idol was finished. It was as dreary as everything “Starman” was rebel-rebelling against in the first place.
(All five guys looked and sounded miserable, and their voices would have fit much better with a Merle Haggard tribute — but gosh, how were they supposed to learn and sing a Hag song with only 24 hours notice? What do you think this is, live TV or something?)
Still, the finale was meant to sum up why the show once mattered so much, and it worked. The farewell episode demonstrated why it was time for it to go, but it also evoked the glories of Idol past, back in the day when it first came along to fill the Justin Guarini-shaped hole in America’s heart. Even President Obama showed up, in a strange introduction where he gave the series credit for getting people excited about voting. “Not all of us can sing like Kelly Clarkson,” he said. “But all of our voices matter.” (Though let history show that our Commander-in-Chief could sing “Let’s Stay Together” better than Justin did.) “This show reached historic heights, not only because Americans watched it, but because you participated in its success. And the same is true of America.” Given how splendidly democracy is currently working out in the U.S. of A, no wonder Idol‘s going off the air.
It wasn’t a gradual decline — as soon as Paula Abdul left, the magic was gone. You could always count on Paula. Say what you like about the “Forever Your Girl” kid, she was excited to be there, getting up to dance or weeping her lashes off or just gushing her own special Paula-ese. You could trust her to tell Jordin Sparks, “You are in great, great vocal voice tonight!” Or inform Melinda Doolittle, “It’s awesome when you’re fantastic!” Or assure the greatest Idol singer ever, Adam Lambert: “Adam, you dare to dance in the path of greatness!” While the other hosts would get that shellshock-fatigue look in their eyes, Paula’s gung-ho enthusiasm and vocal voice never flagged. She dared to dance in the path of ridiculousness.