Team Cee Lo Is ‘Stayin’ Alive’ on ‘The Voice’

Last night, as host Carson Daly doled out somber pronouncements about which contestants America saved and which, as a nation, they eliminated, viewers of The Voice were treated to some upbeat musical revues pairing teams with their coaches. Cee Lo Green, trading on the easy falsettos of his all-male team, gunned for pure camp with the Bee Gee’s “Stayin’ Alive,” which he anchored in Elvis-inspired western wear in the form of a satin sweatsuit. Flanked by cowboy Cody Belew in a butterfly collar, Trevin Hunte in an afro wig and Nicholas David in his street clothes, the motley quartet went HAM on that ham. After getting through that, a fab Xtina number, Jason Aldean singing and also spending QT yakkin’ with Christina Milian in the Sprint Cellular Appendage Stage (or whatever), finally we learned that America didn’t care for Adriana Louise and a weepy Michaela Page, who both head home, leaving the competition at an even 10 contestants. 

On to the power rankings of the newly trimmed teams!

Coach: Cee Lo Green
Rank: #1
This year’s rule change makes it so that the top ranking competitors are not culled evenly by teams, it’s just the 10 (on down) that get the most votes. Cee Lo’s team was saved en masse, along with Team Adam’s trio. Cee Lo’s biggest underdogs have transmogrified into assets; in the “confessional” b-roll where the contestants mused on their newly begotten fame, Belew boasted about “Cody’s Cougars,” his older-gal fanbase. David has shown us he can bring soul to even Cee Lo’s most reprehensible song choices and stay in the game. Hunte will be one of the last competitors standing even if all he sings between now and the finals is a medley of the Frogs’ “I’ve Got Drugs” and the Menards jingle. Team Cee Lo has beaten the odds and risen like a bedazzled phoenix to take the lead.

Coach: Adam Levine
Rank: #2
Team Adam is still in play as a trio. Melanie Martinez was in the game because of her coach’s save and she managed to earn her keep. Amanda Brown looked a little shaken during Carson Daly’s two minute-long pregnant pauses between announcing names, perhaps since Monday night’s performance caught some shade from the other coaches – though they probably only criticized her lack of perfection because she is usually perfect. Bryan Keith and his hat: also kept.

Coach: Blake Shelton
Rank: #3
All the Pink songs in the world might not have saved the quirky Page, who, despite her flawless voice, didn’t capture America’s attention the way she did the coaches’. Maybe she was too punk, too precious, her hair too sharp-looking? The home-schooler returns to Florida where surely a bazillion-trillion punk-pop bands will be waiting to recruit her as the La Stefani of tomorrow. Blake notches up from his usual last place because Cassadee Pope is suddenly playing like she ain’t done yet. During her sing-along slot in her team’s take on “Life Is a Highway,” she got physically close to coach Blake Shelton, singing at him with the confidence that read as peer. Terry McDermott also made the cut. Why do they keep cutting his hair between every episode?

Coach: Christina Aguilera
Rank: #4
America took a break from making out with its Dez Duron pillow to cast enough votes for him to stick around for another week. Sylvia Yacoub is also staying on to fight for her right to melisma. Even for all her runs and sass and hair tossing and pretty teeth, Louise was perhaps too perfect and familiar next to all that smolder the rest of her team throws, so she was nixed. Even Xtina’s over-the-top praise could not upsell the girl into America’s heart. 

Best back-talkin’ moment on live TV: Cody Belew’s sassy theorizing that perhaps Xtina missed the flair of his performance Monday night because her eyes were shut most of the time. He said while smiling wide and staring right at her. Country boy Belew is a real bitch’s bitch. He should get to host his own auxiliary loft above Christina Milian’s Sprint Nest™, where everyone goes to dish. Runner-up: Cee Lo yelling “I FUCKIN LOVE YOU, TOO!” to Cody.

Best coach musical performance of the season: Xtina and Cee Lo performing the second single from her for-reals comeback Lotus, which conveniently dropped yesterday. Onstage she was done up like Marie Antoinette – just in case you missed the memo that mama is still the queen.

Best accessory of the night: The pop-locking serfs/knights flanking Xtina.

Previously: Trevin Hunte Leads The Voice Top 12 With Second Michael Bolton Cover