In an interview aired on Lifetime’s The Conversation With Amanda de Cadenet last night, Lady Gaga spoke candidly on her past cocaine use, explaining the emotional and mental difficulties that led her to drugs.
Lady Gaga revealed that she was “very depressed” at age 19, dropping out of school and picking up three jobs to support herself as she pursued a music career. “I would go back to my apartment every day and I would just sit there. It was quiet and it was lonely. It was still,” said Gaga. “It was just my piano and myself. I had a television and I would leave it on all the time just to feel like somebody was hanging out with me.”
Eventually, Gaga picked up a coke habit to cope with her loneliness. “It was like the drug was my friend. I never did it with other people,” she said. “It’s such a terrible way to fill that void, because it just adds to that void, because it’s not real.”
But facing increased dependence, the pop star was hit with a sudden reality check. “I sort of fucking woke up one day and was like, ‘You’re an asshole. You’re not an artist,'” said Gaga. “‘If you were a real fucking artist, you’d be focused on your music. You wouldn’t be spending your money on the white devil.'”