Kid Cudi revealed in an emotional letter to fans Tuesday that he checked himself into rehab after battling “depression and suicidal urges.”
“It’s been difficult for me to find the words to what I’m about to share with you because I feel ashamed,” the rapper wrote on Facebook. “Ashamed to be a leader and hero to so many while admitting I’ve been living a lie. It took me a while to get to this place of commitment, but it is something I have to do for myself, my family, my best friend/daughter and all of you, my fans.”
Cudi continued, “I am not at peace. I haven’t been since you’ve known me. If I didn’t come here, I would’ve done something to myself. I simply am a damaged human swimming in a pool of emotions everyday of my life. There’s a ragin’ violent storm inside of my heart at all times. Idk what peace feels like. Idk how to relax.”
The rapper’s decision to enter a rehab facility comes a month after Cudi engaged in a brief but very public war of words with Kanye West, with the collaborators beefing on social media and onstage. Addressing the “clowns” in the music industry, Cudi tweeted, “Everyone thinks they’re soooo great. Talkin top 5 and be having 30 people write songs for them. My tweets apply to who they apply. Ye, Drake, whoever. These niggas dont give a fuck about me.”
West responded the following night at Saint Pablo concert in Tampa, cutting a song short to admonish Cudi from the stage. “Kid Cudi, don’t ever mention ‘Ye name,” West said. “I birthed you! Kid Cudi, we’re two black men in a racist world. I wore skinny jeans first. I got called names before you, bruh. Why y’all got to come at me? Don’t never mention my name in a bad manner. None of y’all! I’m so hurt. I feel so disrespected.”
A week later in Houston, West again discussed Cudi from the stage. However, perhaps knowing that Cudi was dealing with personal issues, West told the crowd, “I just wanted to take time out to say Kid Cudi is my brother and I hope he’s doing well.”
“My anxiety and depression have ruled my life for as long as I can remember and I never leave the house because of it,” Cudi continued in his letter to fans. “I can’t make new friends because of it. I don’t trust anyone because of it and I’m tired of being held back in my life. I deserve to have peace. I deserve to be happy and smiling. Why not me? I guess I give so much of myself to others I forgot that I need to show myself some love too. I think I never really knew how. I’m scared, im sad, I feel like I let a lot of people down and again, I’m sorry. It’s time I fix me. I’m nervous but ima get through this.”
The rapper added that his upcoming album Passion, Pain & Demon Slayin’ would still arrive soon, although he won’t take part in the promotion for it. “I wanted to square away all the business before I got here so I could focus on my recovery,” he wrote.