If Glee were a person, we’d be afraid they might be a sociopath. That’s how strange it is that the first two episodes of the new season completely ignored the fact that Cory Monteith is no longer on the show – let alone the earth.
Yes, part two of the very Beatles premiere continued with its delusionally oblivious theme of “nothing to see here,” with nary a passing mention of former main character Finn Hudson (played by Monteith, who died July 13th of a drug overdose). The uninterrupted shiny happiness of the show is a little jarring, especially with next week’s big “Farewell to Finn” episode looming, in which they kill off the character.
But, like the show, we press on, as the glee club focused on songs from “the experimental years” of the Fab Four.
Tina Runs for Prom Queen – and Wins, Sorta
Tina turns into Promzilla after being nominated for prom queen, pulling her best Mean Girl with grandiose claims of being “bigger than Jesus.” She immediately dumps Sam as her date so she can blend in with the single girls to maximize her chance of taking the crown by “cornering the dejected wallflower vote.” She will not be denied.
Up against popular Cheerio Kitty, “Neck Brace Cheerio” and “some other chick” – new principal Sue Sylvester’s words – Tina dreams a big dream that a girl like her can rule the school, prompting Kitty to throw her votes behind “Asian Number One.”
Catching wind of the potential coup, newbie Cheerio Bree, who has become the resident rapid-fire bitch now that Santana has toned down and moved to New York, confronts Kitty to say losing is not an option. Because, like, if Tina wins, what’s next?A black transsexual named Unique being crowned prom queen? It’s the same type of argument some same-sex marriage opponents use: Let two men marry and the next thing you know, they’ll be fighting for the right to marry goats!
After attempting to foil Tina, Bree works on Plan B: A very Carrie moment at prom.
On the big night, it seems like Tina’s “Don’t be a racist!” campaign slogan worked, as she is declared prom queen. (Prom king? Stoner Brett.) Wearing a billowing dress and a big smile, she eagerly accepts the crown as the slow-motion crowd cheers her on as a bucket full of red Slushie teeters over her head. On Bree’s command the rope is pulled and a Carrie-like bloodbath ensues amid gaping mouths and then a chorus of laughter. (It crossed our mind that Glee‘s core audience might not even get this reference.)
Humiliated, Tina runs off, only to be followed by her glee club brethren, natch. They of course talk her into cleaning herself up and going back out there – Kitty even hands over her dress. Despite there being no garden hose in sight, the gang somehow makes Tina as pretty as ever and sends her back to prom to face her foes while defiantly singing “Hey Jude.”
The next day, instead of punishing Bree, Sue promotes her to head cheerleader. “You found a brand-new way to go after the glee club, and the glee club needs an enemy,” was Sue’s rationale for how to get Will Schuester and his island of misfit toys to win once again. It never gets old, right?
Santana Gets a New Girlfriend and Rachel Gets the Role of a Lifetime
Off in NYC, new girl Dani (played by Demi Lovato) starts working at Santana and Rachel‘s diner, and it’s obvious that she and her giant eyebrows are crushing hard on fellow “thesbian” Santana. This scares the pants off Santana because until this moment she’s never been with an “actual lesbian,” only ex Britney, bi girls and the occasional “experimental college girl.”
When Rachel notices the connection, she pushes the two girls together by ditching work early late one night so that they can be alone. Santana and Dani wind up watching the sunrise together while singing “Here Comes the Sun” before sharing a very quick kiss on the lips. Voila, insta-girlfriend. Keep an eye out for the U-Haul.
But that’s not the only thing Santana’s got going for her, she also booked her first gig. A hilarious commercial for a yeast infection cream that comes complete with Santana baking bread and frolicking in the hills after using the “seven-step” home remedy: “Because I like yeast in my bagel, not in my muffin.”
When Rachel isn’t jealous of the accomplishment – after all, Santana got the first big gig of the group while Rachel got turned down for the role in Funny Girl – Kurt, who now also very realistically works at the diner, makes the trio pinky swear that they’ll never let the city get them down. Just then, one of the producers of the Funny Girl musical (Peter Facinelli) stops by the diner to offer Rachel the lead role. That’s better than having Finn around any day, right?
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