For a limited time, Rick Ross is Rolling Stone‘s advice columnist! Here’s his fourth batch of answers to our readers’ burning questions:
Hey, Rozay. When I order chicken wings with my buddies, I usually get the hottest possible spice level just to show how tough I am. These wings are too hot, man! I think I actually burned the inside of my mouth last night. But if I order the mild wings, my friends will think I’m a pussy. What’s your advice? — Matthew, Charleston, South Carolina
Hold on. Fuck what your friends think. Don’t ever play yourself again and tell nobody you order certain hot wings for somebody else. Don’t ever repeat that. Anyway, we all know the lemon pepper wings from Wingstop are the best wings in the world. Next time you go in there, get you a 10-piece mild and a 10-piece lemon pepper. That’s how we do it. Big time!
I’ve been working at the same place for six years. My boss always acts like we’re cool, but he hasn’t given me a raise since I started. You’re the boss of all bosses, so I thought you’d probably know: What do I do to get his attention and make him give me a raise? — Anthony, Omaha
All right, here’s what you need to do. Go above and beyond at your job – stay late in the office for the next four weeks and come up with something that those motherfuckers can use. Put something real dope together, then walk in there and sell it to your boss. After that, tell him you’re just wondering, are you appreciated? He’ll say yes. If he asks what defines appreciation, tell him, “A raise, cocksucker!”
I recently started dating an incredible guy. I swear I’m in love – I’ve never felt like this before. But I’m terrified that he’s going to find out that I spend my weekends re-enacting the Lord of the Rings movies in a local park with some friends I met online. (I’m Gollum.) I love LARPing, but I love this guy more. What do I do? — Samantha, Burlington, Vermont
Wow. Hopefully you guys aren’t into bestiality or some shit. Whatever the hell you got going on at the park, I guess it’s cool, but make sure you’re spending enough time with your guy, OK?
I’ve been spending more time lately at my local strip club – like, a lot of time. The reason is that there’s this one girl named Cinnamon who I swear is hitting on me. She always smiles at me and asks how I am before she gives me a lap dance, and the other day, she said she wished a nice guy would ask her out for once, sort of like she was dropping a hint. Am I getting played, or should I make a move? — Joey, Atlanta
Make that move. It’s definitely possible to find love at the strip club. I’ve had a lot of female stripper acquaintances in my life, and we’ve had so many great times. We’re still friends to this day. Just feel her out – if she’s being genuine, you keep her on the team. If she’s not, send her ass back to the club.
As told to Simon Vozick-Levinson