For a limited time, Rick Ross is Rolling Stone‘s advice columnist! Here’s his second batch of answers to our readers’ burning questions:
I’m a college girl who hasn’t had a lot of luck in love. I’m just so bad at texting that I think I scare guys away. My friend is really good at texting, though. Is it weird if I get her to ghostwrite my texts to boys? —Mary, Queens
Not at all! I don’t care who’s writing my girl’s texts, as long as I don’t find out. Sometimes I even give a dart or two to my homeys when they’re texting a chick late at night. These dudes want to be like, “Hey, baby, come over for a smoothie,” or some weak shit like that. I’ll put them on to some real boss talk. That’s what friends are for.
A lot of people claim to have a good hangover remedy, but none of them have ever worked for me. And these hangovers are starting to catch up with me. Do you have any good tips for how to kill this fucking headache? I’m dying here! —Zach, Dallas
Oh, yeah. Here’s what you’ve gotta do: Wake up, drink a little more of whatever you were drinking last night, then hit a blunt. Preferably a grape swisher. You back on, baby!
I recently got married. I love my wife, but her family is a lot better off than mine, and I can’t stand them. They’re such snobs. What should I do, Ross? —Matt, Atlanta
Sounds like you need to show them who the boss of your family really is. Pick a good time, step up and remind them that you’re more valuable than any of those fools.
I’ve been seeing the girl of my dreams for two years – but lately I’ve started hooking up with a woman I met at the car wash where I work. I don’t want to break up with my girlfriend, but I can’t stop thinking about the car-wash girl. Is it possible to be with two women at the same time without either one finding out? —Jason, Hoboken, NJ
Oh, most definitely. Believe me, it’s possible. If you’re determined, you can do it. You’ve just got to become very, very charming. Ha!
As told to Simon Vozick-Levinson
This story is from the May 22nd, 2014 issue of Rolling Stone