For a limited time, Rick Ross is Rolling Stone‘s advice columnist! Here’s his first batch of answers to our readers’ burning questions:
I’ve been dating an amazingly hot girl for the past few months. The only problem is, she has crazy-expensive taste. I once overheard her talking to her girlfriends about how I don’t buy her enough stuff – and that was, like, two weeks after I dropped $300 on a Tiffany bracelet! How do I keep her happy without going broke? —Chris, Chicago
Depends on how much she’s really worth to you, Chris. Is she quenching your desires? If she is, just tell her, “Hey, girl, I’m working at the car wash right now, so I can’t spend all that money. What I can do is spend these special moments with you.” Some bullshit like that.
I’m 23, but I live at home with my dad. Usually it’s all good: The rent is free, and he’s a cool guy. But sometimes he’s a little too cool – the past few times I’ve been hanging out with my friends, my dad keeps barging in and asking if we want to smoke some weed with him. How can I tell him nicely to stop embarrassing me like this? —Phil, Santa Monica
I think you should reconsider. You get to sit around and play video games and shit, and your dad actually smokes weed with you and your homeys? Your situation is pretty unique. Take advantage of that bond time, man. I definitely would have smoked with my father if I could have. I say have an open-door policy. Come on in, Dad!
My English teacher assigned us a paper on The Great Gatsby. I never did the reading – but my older brother got an A on a Great Gatsby paper at another school a few years ago. There’s no way I could get caught. Should I just hand in his paper? —Freddie, Toronto Look over your left shoulder and your right shoulder. Why not? We’ve all heard the Great Gatsby story thousands of times. Hand in that paper, make your teacher proud and spend that time on something else.
I’m a high school varsity basketball coach. I’m starting to find that the more success I have, the more everyone wants to tell me how to do my job – no one bothered me when I was just a JV coach. How can I get these haters to shut up? —Yusuf, Detroit
Sounds like it’s time to go into boss mode. That’s when you sever all ties with your conscience and tell these haters just how you feel. They would love to keep you in the dark, but you’re shining.
My girlfriend wants me to stop smoking weed. Help me out here, Rozay. Should I break up with her . . . or break up with her? —Joe, Denver
Uh, yeah, you definitely gotta break up with her. No girl has ever told me I smoke too much. They know that would be suicidal.
As told to Simon Vozick-Levinson
This story is from the May 8th, 2014 issue of Rolling Stone.