Apple CEO Caves to Cleveland Indians’ Ransom Demands – Except the Lube

Apple CEO Tim Cook is giving in to the demands of the Cleveland Indians’ bullpen.

At the beginning of Apple’s Worldwide Developer Conference on Monday, Cook made mention of Tribe slugger Brandon Moss’ 100th career home run ball, which the right fielder deposited into the visitors’ bullpen during a game in Kansas City last week – and was subsequently kidnapped by Indians relievers. After the game, Moss returned to his locker to find a handwritten ransom note from the pitchers, demanding a boatload of Apple products in exchange for the ball.

That list included iPads, iPhones, Apple Watches and, uh, a 50-gallon drum of lube – a special request of reliever Marc Rzepczynski.

Never one to miss an opportunity, Cook kicked off this year’s WWDC by holding the ball aloft, the ransom note projected behind him. Seems he had negotiated a hostage release, and had caved to the Cleveland bullpen’s demands. “We’re going to give everything his teammates asked for and everyone is happy,” Cook said.

Anyone watching #WWDC15? Yep, Brandon Moss and the ‘pen have gone global — and Apple is going to pay the ransom. pic.twitter.com/dS8dgxwVfn

— #VoteKip #VoteTribe (@Indians) June 8, 2015

Well, not everyone: Seems the folks at Apple scrubbed Rzepczynski’s line about the lube from the note before the event, which is probably a good thing. Given the recent fuss about pitchers doctoring balls with “foreign substances,” we wouldn’t want to encourage cheating, would we?

Unless, of course, Rzepczynski was planning to use all that lube for something else – in which case, c’mon Tim, let the guy have some fun. In case you’re unaware, it’s been a tough season for the Tribe, and anything to help grease the team to a winning streak would be appreciated.