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Part Deux: 7 Unnecessary Sequels Inspired by Eminem’s ‘Mathers 2’

Do we really need follow-ups to ‘The Wall’ and ‘Kid A’?

Eminem

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Eminem is back on the charts with The Marshall Mathers LP 2, a sequel to his 2000 hit. It's the music industry's biggest sequel since Meat Loaf did Bat Out Of Hell 2. Em's get-off-my-lawn statement finally answers the questions of his minivan Stans: Is Em still mad at his parents, his ex, the gays and everybody else he hated 15 years ago? (Spoiler: Yes! Yo Shady, your therapist has a degree, right?) But Eminem will definitely inspire loads of other album sequels. Here are a few we're predicting for next year.

by Rob Sheffield

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Radiohead, ‘Kid B’

In a shocking reversal of their 2000 shocking reversal (of their previous shocking reversals), Radiohead do a sequel to Kid A. Except this time it's a song-for-song remake of Bob Seger's Stranger In Town, with Jonny Greenwood taking over the sax solo in "Old Time Rock & Roll." Thom Yorke sounds so alienated when he sings, "I'd rather hear some blues or funky old soul."

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Kanye West and Bob Dylan, ‘Property of Yeezus’

Who thought Kanye would remake his latest album with Bob "Zeezus" Dylan? The two giants rap Biblical rants like "Even Yeezus would never forgive what you do" and "Hurry up with my damn Suzette, and could you please make that Crepe?" Jay-Z joins for the title track: "He's the property of Yeezus / Resent him to the bone / You got something better / You got Watch the Throne."

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The Eagles, ‘Hotel California 2: San Andreas’

That's right – they just can't kill the beast! Frustrated by his failed attempts to sneak past the night clerk and escape the hotel, Don Henley digs a tunnel under the walls, using steely knives stolen from the cafeteria. (The hotel went vegan in 2006.) His plan: Swim through 500 yards of sewage to freedom! But in a sad twist, he emerges in the hotel mini-golf course, where he gets shanked by Joe Walsh.

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Steely Dan, ‘Skate a Little Lower Now’

In this bold sequel to Gaucho, the chick in "Hey Nineteen" is now 52. But like everybody else on the album, she's old and on drugs.

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Sisqo, ‘Re-Unleash The Dragon’

A sequel to that old R&B album your mom plays on those weekend afternoons when she locks herself in the bathroom after asking if you have any spare AA batteries. Sure, Sisqo's tried this before with Return of Dragon and Last Dragon. But wait till your mom hears "Thong Song 2014: The Thong Remains The Same!"

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The Strokes, ‘Comedown Machine’

Over a decade past the classic Is This It?, the Strokes decide that was that. To celebrate their maturity, they muffle the guitars and get philosophical about karma. Tuckered out by all that exertion, they nix a tour and use the record-company logo for artwork. Wait a minute – this one already happened?

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