Andrew W.K. and Marky Ramone Blitzkrieg the World

Andrew W.K. and Marky Ramone about to fly to Spain.  This is Andrew's first time getting on an airplane without wearing underwear, so he's extra cheerful.  Marky is also looking forward to the flight, as it will be his first time flying on a plane while wearing solid gold shoes (unfortunately not visible in this photo).

Upon arriving in Spain, the two boys immediately left the airport for the nearest Paella restaurant.  Marky ended up eating all of this huge portion himself, forcing Andrew to pick at scraps of burnt rice and withered shrimp skins.  However, Andrew was able to fill up later on six packages of non-dairy creamer he found in his hotel room.

Sound checking before the Spain show.  Marky's beautiful bomber logo is displayed prominently on the light-screen behind him!  Andrew points to it, just in case you didn't notice it's bright beauty.  Andrew gets very excited when he sees things and can point them out to you.  He's a helpful and pointful child.  Marky is both amused and bemused by this personality trait.

After a wonderful show in Spain, Marky and Andrew take a rocket Russia, where they'll play three shows and eat as much caviar as possible.  Marky prefers the orange large-ball caviar, while Andrew prefers the black small-ball variety. 

Upon arriving at the first hotel in Saint Petersburg, Russia, Marky and Andrew make their way to the roof in an effort to locate the concert venue.  It was supposed to be just a short van ride from the hotel, but heavy traffic has made finding it and getting there very difficult.  Marky starts to brainstorm an alternative method of getting to the show.

"Just put us on a zebra, and get us to the show!"  After struggling with trying to get the band's van through heavy Russian traffic, Marky takes matters into his own hands and commadeers a zebra print motorcycle from a neighborhood bike gang.  He expertly weaves his way through cars and buses, all the while smiling gently.  For Andrew, it was the ride of a lifetime.  "It felt like a Russian roller-coaster made of exotic horse hide", the singer said.

Andrew and Marky pull up in front of the venue.  Andrew is clearly in a euphoric state, while Marky remains calm and composed.  Marky naturally has the type of focus one needs to navigate through rush-hour Russia, and that same focus also allows him to play rapid-fire 16th notes for 1.5 hours every night.  Marky's skills all tie together and enable him to do anything and everything he wants.  Andrew's skills only enable him to party.  But at least he can party very, very hard.

As soon as Andrew and Marky arrive at the venue, they begin to feast on caviar.  Marky's preference for the orange variety stems from his love of light bite chewing the round large-ball caviar eggs "until they burst!"  Andrew takes a more aggressive approach and simply shovels as much small-ball black caviar into his mouth as he can.  This is not about having a small snack, this is about gorging.

Marky momentarily considers indulging in other options, but decides that dancing on the table might spill the mountains of caviar he's been ordering.  It was a tough decision that caused him no small amount of anxiety, but he realized that table dancing could never compare to the delicious fish ball bursting experience.

The band enjoy more food in the dressing room before the show.  Marky continues to eat nothing by caviar, while Andrew eats a banana and tries to express to un-interested Marky how good bananas are to eat.  "Trust me, they're like the caviar of fruit", says Andrew.  Marky says nothing, and keeps his mouth of continuously full of fresh fish egg.

Andrew holds up a poster from the Russia shows and notices his own name.  This fills him with amazement, astonishment, and appreciation.  "I can't believe I'm in Russia and singing for Marky Ramone.  Dreams really do come true."  2 minutes before this photo was taken, an audience member ran into the backstage and pulled Andrew's hair.  This made Andrew's eyes water, hence the sunglasses.

Marky's beautiful leather jacket, hung in the bathroom with care, with hopes that more caviar soon would be there.

In Moscow, Marky and Andrew discover their feet have made a 90 degree rotation, making it difficult to walk, step, trot, and march.  It's not clear whether this foot disorientation was caused by caviar over-dose or pure pinheadedness.  They even have trouble standing upright, as Andrew nearly keeled over onto the cobblestones shortly after this photo was taken.

After a very difficult sideways foot stumble, Andrew and Marky get the Moscow photo of their dreams.  A beautiful girl in an American flag tank top fixes her hair, Marky gives a perfect thumbs up, and everything appears to be right with the world.

Back at the hotel, Andrew decides to have a nice bath, and is amazed to discover that Russian tap water is pre-enriched with caramel, riboflavin, and blue-green algae.  He allows this water to ferment all night, and then drinks as much as he can before boarding the plane back to New York City.  It was the perfect end, to a perfect trip.  And there's a lot more to come!

Marky, Andrew and the band rehearse in Marky's hotel suite for their first European show of the tour, in Novi Sad, Serbia. Marky plays a custom Davenport drum kit, perfect for a soft cushion warmup. Andrew tries in vain to learn Marky's magical drumming secrets.

Andrew borrows an office from the City Hall of Novi Sad, and does his best to learn how to read the Serbian language using a special horizertical eyeball tear duct technique.

Marky soundchecks his beautiful drums early in the day in Novi Sad, Serbia. Getting ready to headline a festival that night in the town square.

During soundcheck, Andrew riskily attempts to whistle a paradiddle along with Marky's manic beats and almost falls off the stage.

The view from Andrew's hotel room in Novi Sad, Serbia. The incredible building out the window housed a collection of dust, tables, mosquitos, and some of the most beautiful women anyone had ever seen.

Back in the City Hall building, several hours before the show in Novi Sad, Serbia, Andrew reviews the 34-song set list of Ramones classics and begins to perspire and salivate in anticipation. He does all this while also doing a nimble chair-based hamstring stretch.

The stage right after soundcheck in Novi Sad, Serbia. The stage was set up directly in front of City Hall, in the main town square. This photo was taken approximately four hours and 93 minutes before the show.

What's better than a bird's-eye view? A special "Marky's-eye view" of the show in Novi Sad, Serbia! As Marky pounds out a blazing Ramones brat beat, Andrew shows his best Señor Wences hand-face to the Serbian people and the party gods.

Andrew onstage during an encore in Novi Sad, Serbia. The night was not only his first European show singing for Marky Ramone, but also his 34th birthday. The event promoter baked him a traditional Serbian "plasma-cake" and presented it to Andrew onstage. Andrew was guaranteed that all of the plasma was harvested from human sources. Andrew thanked all the plasma donators – this cake of light made him stronger than ever!

Marky Ramone and Andrew W.K. onstage immediately after they played 34 Ramones songs in Novi Sad, Serbia. It was their first show together on the European leg of their tour, after having played their kick-off show in New York City, at Andrew's very own Santos Party House venue. They're sweaty. And Andrew smells like plasma.

Andrew W.K. with a city councilman and organizer of the Novi Sad show! He's also the hugest Ramones fan in Serbia and the main man in charge of all the Arts and Culture for the whole city! On the far right we have Marky's bass player, Sonny Boy! He's a fierce gentleman with the voice of an angel and the low notes of a demon.

Marky and Andrew waiting in the security check-point line on their way to Rome, Italy. There was a problem with the X-ray machine, as it kept causing people's luggage to disappear. When a bag went into the X-ray, it never came back out!

Still waiting in the security line as several X-ray technicians try to figure out what's happening to the disappearing luggage. Andrew is slowly losing his mind, and Marky is wiping a gentle tear from his eye.

Marky and Andrew nervously approach the X-ray machine with their belongings, shaking with fear that once their luggage enters the machine, the bags will vanish into the abyss. This is a strange and unsettling situation. Neither Andrew nor Marky had ever seen anything quite like it, although Marky did once misplace a car inside a furniture store.

Marky easily passes through the metal detector, despite his entire body being made of aluminum, steel and riboflavin. He's not a robot. He's a cyborg. This explains his ability to play dozens and dozens of Ramones songs at a fast clip without ever missing a single hi-hat 16th note. He's a well-nourished and fortified force of sci-fi origins.

Much to their bemusement, Andrew's and Marky's luggage has also vanished into the X-ray machine.  Andrew was eventually happy about it, as his bag was completely stuffed with mildewing, rotting, bacteria-ridden white T-shirts and jeans that he didn't know how to wash. On the other hand, Marky's bag contained 13 cans of pungent tuna, 80 miniature cans of aged sardines and a quarter pound of sprouted mung bean, all of which Marky planned on consuming in the boarding lounge. The other passengers in the lounge were hugely relieved to learn that no foul foodstuff would be eaten that day.  The missing food is currently being enjoyed by the many babes of the abyss, somewhere inside the X-ray machine.

While Andrew and Marky wait for boarding time, they gently cross their legs and ankles and kindly admire and compliment each other's sneakers. Andrew is wearing 2013 Nike Hyperdunks, while Marky is wearing extremely rare black leather PF Flyers from 1939. Marky explains that PF Flyers have been his brand of choice for many years, citing their generous toe room and pillow-top posture foundation.

Andrew and Marky on the plane to Italy. Somehow the airline allowed these two boys to sit next each other with minimal hassle, despite Andrew reeking of dead skin cells and Marky playing drums on nearly every surface his drumsticks could reach. The two troublemakers were eventually put in a special last row of seats in the front cabin, and periodically checked on by beautiful flight attendants from the aft galley. Andrew "accidentally" tampered with a posted placard and was subsequently quarantined to the bathroom as punishment. He remained in the lavatory for the remainder of the flight, much to his own delight.

Andrew and Marky disembarking the plane and trotting along the tarmac in Rome, Italy! Marky's a bit upset that he didn't get to spend the majority of the flight in the bathroom, like Andrew did. "It was like my own private cabin," gloated Andrew, really rubbing it in on poor Marky. "I understand that Marky's jealous of me getting the best seat in the house. Oh, well! Shit happens!"

Andrew and Marky were shocked and confused when they first discovered that the famous ancient Roman Colosseum was so much smaller and flatter than anticipated. "For crying out loud, I had at least expected it to be three-dimensional," said Marky. Andrew was also confused: "It's just a big image on a piece of paper! Couldn't they at least have manipulated the image to make it cleaned up and in good shape? The structure's all broken down and crumbled and tons of bricks are missing! For Pete's sake!"