5. Kenny Chesney, "All I Want for Christmas Is a Real Good Tan"
Chesney's latest holiday song, "Christmas in Blue Chair Bay," is a welcome addition to this year's crop, but this 2003 attempt just treads water. "Instead of turkey, we'll have mahi-mahi grilled," croons Chesney. Occupying the gray area between the Beach Boys' "Kokomo" and Jimmy Buffett's B-sides, the song is actually a plea to Chesney's girlfriend, whom he's trying to convince to ditch the States and enjoy Christmas in the tropics instead. It's gonna take more than piña coladas and cheeseburgers in paradise to sell this sleepy tune, though.