Elizabeth: The Golden Age

Cate Blanchett can do anything, even play Bob Dylan, but she can't save this creaky sequel to her -making 1998 biopic of Elizabeth I. Fie on director Shekhar Kapur's visual and aural bombast and the script's soap-opera heart. Though the sixteenth-century queen is facing her greatest challenge — from an armada attack by King Philip of Spain (Jordi Molla's performance comes direct from the Ministry of Funny Walks) — she mostly moons over Sir Walter Raleigh (Clive Owen), who'd rather unbuckle his swash for lady-in-waiting Abbie Cornish. Ugh.